


El-Hazard drabbles

by KB9VCN



Category: El Hazard: The Magnificent World, El Hazard: The Wanderers
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2002-03-31
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-23 20:15:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 220
Words: 25,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6128782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Written March 2002; humor; 200 words.</p><p>This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Broadband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Fujisawa scratched his head. "OK, kid, explain this again. And use smaller words this time."

Makoto laughed. "Sorry... Ifurita and I have crossed between El-Hazard and Earth several times now, but we're still learning about dimensional travel.

"We've just learned how to create a different kind of portal between dimensions. The good news is, after you create it, it stays open permanently. The bad news is, you can't send matter through it— only energy.

"But you can use energy to transmit information. That's how radio and TV works. And now, we've created the first trans-dimensional wireless Internet connection.

"And Ifurita's 'learned' all of these techniques, so she's... our wireless modem."

A new personal computer, fresh from Earth, sat on Makoto's large desk. Ifurita sat beside it. A cable ran from the back of the computer to a connection in the choker she always wore.

Makoto sat at the computer. "Whenever you're ready, love."

Ifurita grinned. She had shown a positively mischievous sense of humor, of late. "Ph33r my l33t h4x0r sk1lz!" she exclaimed.

"And there it is... comes up really fast, too."

Eyeing Ifurita, Fujisawa whispered to Nanami. "Sort of gives a whole new meaning to the term 'broad-band'... ouch!"


	2. Ifurita For Dummies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> Don't you wish women came with user manuals?
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto set a very old and large book on a table, in front of Ifurita. "I've been meaning to give this to you ever since you came back."

Ifurita opened the book, carefully turning the ancient pages while reading them at superhuman speed. "This is... about me?"

"I think it was written by your creators," Makoto said. "It was found in some ruins a few months ago. Dr. Schtalubaugh thought it might help me find you."

"There is much here that I did not know about myself," Ifurita said. "Thank you, Makoto."

Ifurita continued to read for awhile. Then she looked up to find Makoto fidgeting. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh... I've read the whole book, and... it's none of my business, but..."

Ifurita smiled sweetly. "Dearest Makoto. You have seen my memories, and given me yours. There are no secrets between us. If you have questions, I will answer them if I can."

"Well..." Makoto sat beside her, and turned to a marked page. "Can you really do this... and this... and... this? And all at the same time?"

Ifurita's eyes widened slightly. "Oh my... I believe that I can, yes. Would you like a demonstration?"

Makoto's nose was bleeding.


	3. Nanami's Complaint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This takes place near or shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult language and cartoon violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami suddenly stood and shouted at Makoto. She ignored the surprised looks from her restaurant's customers. "You want to know what's bothering me? Fine! I'll TELL you what's bothering me!"

"Uh..." Makoto replied.

"We all get sent to El-Hazard, and what happens? You get some impossibly beautiful 'demon god' chick for a soul-mate. Our sensei gets hitched to an impossibly beautiful water priestess. Even my idiot brother's probably got a thing with the bug queen by now."

"Uh..." Makoto interjected.

"So where's my impossibly handsome boyfriend? Huh? This restaurant is nice, but do you think that's all I ever think about?"

"Uh..." Makoto answered.

Nanami collapsed into her chair and wept. "It's not fair. Don't the writers ever think about how the female sidekick feels? A girl has needs, you know..."

"Uh..." Makoto sympathized.

"AARGH!!" Nanami stood again. A large axe inexplicably appeared in her hands. She swung it with wild abandon at tables, chairs and customers. "I'M MAD AS HELL... AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT... ANY MORE!!"

"Uh..." Makoto protested, as the axe swung towards his head.

—

Nanami gasped and sat up in bed, and then fell back and sighed. "I have GOT to get a boyfriend."


	4. Put Out The Clock And Wind Up The Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 4 of the first OVA series.

Jinnai shouted triumphantly. "I order you to kill Makoto Mizuhara! Now!!"

Ifurita yawned. "'Kay. Here we go..."

A wind whipped up dramatically. Ifurita's head-dress fluttered wildly, and blew down across her face. "Whoops, hang on..."

As she tried to push it back, she got her arms tangled in the scarves tied to her wrists. Then she dropped her key-staff. "Aw, man..."

Then, she tripped on the key-staff and fell flat on her face.

Jinnai nearly had an aneurysm. "What is this, the TV series!?"

Ifurita snarled. "I've been asleep for thousands of years! I'm just not a morning person, OK!?"


	5. Scraping By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> Based On A True Story from my college days. (I wasn't there. I only heard about it later.) It hurts to even think about it.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Makoto and Ifurita were eating lunch with Nanami at the Shinonome Diner.

As Nanami ate with a fork, she accidentally scraped it against her plate. Makoto winced.

"Oh. Sorry," Nanami said.

Makoto shuddered. "S'OK," he replied.

Ifurita looked up in confusion. "What is wrong?"

Nanami looked back at her sharply. "Makoto doesn't like that sound. Didn't you know that? I thought you two knew everything about each other."

Ifurita mused. "I have seen Makoto react that way before, in our shared memories. But I did not understand."

Makoto smiled shakily. "Ifurita, many people... find certain sounds... unpleasant. Like metal scraping against metal. Or fingernails on slate. Or... the tines of a fork on a plate..."

Ifurita picked up her fork. "Do you mean, like this?" And she slowly pushed it across the full length of her plate— with the strength of a demon god.

Every human within five hundred meters of the restaurant threw their hands to their ears and screamed for mercy.

Gasping, trembling, with tears streaming down his face, Makoto reached out and grasped Ifurita's shoulders. "Ifurita. I love you dearly. But please. For the love of God. Never. Ever. EVER. Do. That. Again."

Ifurita blinked. "Oh. Sorry."


	6. Who Wants Some

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2002; humor/parody; 100 words. Based on The Wanderers TV series.
> 
> This actually works with either the OVA or the TV series, but it was written with the TV series in mind.
> 
> See also [_Army Of Darkness_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Army_of_Darkness).
> 
> This contains explosive violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Ifurita disappeared in a massive fiery explosion. As the smoke cleared, a deep crater appeared where she had stood.

"I think I got her this time!" Shayla shouted gleefully. She ran to the edge of the hole and looked down.

A counter-blast from within the crater struck Shayla head on. She was flung backwards through the air by the force of the blast, landing flat on her back several hundred meters away.

Ifurita slowly rose from the crater. She grinned and pointed her boomstick at the two remaining priestesses.

"All right. Who wants some? Who's next? Huh? How about it?"


	7. Go Fly A Kite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2002; humor; 200 words. Based on The Wanderers TV series.
> 
> This actually works with either the OVA or the TV series, but it was written with the TV series in mind.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Shayla had gone to see Afura about some routine matter. She found Afura high on a hilltop. The sky above was heavy with clouds and occasional thunder.

"Whatcha doin', bookworm? Helping Makoto with one of his experiments?"

"No, I still do some research on my own, you know."

"Then why are you flying a kite in a thunderstorm? I thought you already knew everything there is to know about the wind."

"No, Shayla, this isn't about the wind..."

"And why'd you tie your end of the string to a jar covered with foil? You can't fly a kite like that. You gotta be able to let more string out..."

Afura sighed, pulled the string from the jar, and handed it to Shayla. "Fine. Why don't you, the fire priestess, show me, the wind priestess, how to fly a kite."

Shayla grinned. "Always pleased to show you how it's done... Hey, what'd you do, tie a skeleton key to the kite? No wonder this thing ain't— EEYOWTCH!!"

Lightning had struck the kite.

Shayla turned to Afura. Her already spiky hair was now entirely on end, and smoke, or steam, poured from her ears.

Afura grinned.

Shayla growled. "Get ready to die..."


	8. Search For A Fine Toothed Comb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2002; humor; 100 words. Based on The Wanderers TV series.
> 
> This might be more humorous if you think of how often Jinnai combs his hair. His comb must be very important to him...

"Good morning, Mr. Jinnai," said Deva.

She smirked when she saw his hair. "Oh my... 'nice hat.'"

Jinnai wasn't in the mood for it. "Somebody stole my comb! How can I conquer El-Hazard looking like this!?...

"Wait... What's that humming sound?... Oh, I might have known. IFURITA!!"

Jinnai and Deva found TV-Ifurita in her room. She had wrapped Jinnai's comb in a tissue, and she was blowing through it. Groucho accompanied her on Bugrum drums.

TV-Ifurita stopped, and smiled cheerfully. "Good morning!"

Then she saw Deva's utter confusion and Jinnai's incoherent rage. "I'm sorry... Was I playing out of tune?..."


	9. Your Wildest Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2002; general/romance; 200 words.
> 
> Reused 20-Mar-2016 for the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[reality is finally better than your dreams](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

"I'm glad you agreed to come to Earth for this," Makoto said. "We never had the chance to, uh, 'date' before... everything happened."

"I remember this from our shared memories," Ifurita said. "I am eager to experience it first-hand. But perhaps I should have worn a wig, as I usually do when I visit your world. I have noticed others staring at me."

Makoto smiled, held up one hand, and gently stroked her hair. "There's no need for that now. Blue hair is actually fairly common at rock concerts, and it's an appropriate color for this band. And your hair is very beautiful... 

"Oh, here they come!"

_Once upon a time_   
_Once when you were mine_   
_I remember skies_   
_Reflected in your eyes_   
_I wonder where you are_   
_I wonder if you think about me_   
_Once upon a time_   
_In your wildest dreams._

Makoto turned to Ifurita, and held her hand.

_And when the music plays_   
_And when the words are touched with sorrow_   
_When the music plays_   
_I hear the sound I had to follow_   
_Once upon a time._

"These words that he is singing... they could have been about us?" Ifurita asked.

Makoto smiled again. "Yes, they could."


	10. My Name Is Mud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written May 2002; humor; 200 words.

Afura found Kauru in one of Arliman's hot springs baths. "Got a minute? You've got to see this..."

Kauru followed Afura, wrapping a towel around herself. "What is it, Miss Afura?"

Afura grinned. "Shayla was using the new mud bath. And the mud was cold, so she used her lamp to warm it. And then, she must've fallen asleep, and she baked it."

They walked up to the mud bath. Only Shayla's head was visible above the mud.

Then Afura walked out on the mud. It was as hard as a brick.

Kauru giggled. "Oh dear..."

"Yeah, yeah," Shayla growled. "Just get me outta here, wouldja?"

Kauru was thoughtful. "If we use our lamps, we might hurt her. I'll get dressed, and then I'll fetch some chisels."

As Kauru left, Afura sat on the mud, next to Shayla, and grinned at her.

Shayla gulped. "Uh, Afura? You're not gonna... do something... to me, are you?..."

Afura grinned wider. "No... This must be bad enough as it is. Why, I'll bet your nose itches, doesn't it? And you can't move a finger to scratch it. Oh, it must itch so badly. It must be driving you crazy..."

Shayla panicked. "KAURU!! HURRY!!"


	11. Call Me Irresponsible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> "And don't call me Shirley." I've often seen Ifurita referred to as "Iffy" in discussions on Internet mailing lists. I wondered how she feels about that...
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Shayla encountered Ifurita in the Shinonome Diner, sitting off by herself, looking even more angst-ridden than usual.

Shayla sighed. Ah well, she thought, let's try to be friendly.

She sat beside Ifurita, put one arm around her, and grinned. "Hiya, Iffy. How's it goin'?"

Ifurita put one arm around Shayla in turn. But then, Shayla felt Ifurita's hand around her throat, and Ifurita slowly responded to Shayla's greeting in a menacing voice.

"Do not... call me... 'Iffy'."

Shayla nodded frantically, trying not to panic. If she doesn't let me breathe soon, Shayla thought, she'll have to call me an ambulance.


	12. The Cat Around Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2002; cross-over/humor; 100 words.
> 
> See also [_Oh My Goddess!_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh_My_Goddess!).
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 2 of the first El-Hazard OVA series.
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The Princess Rune Venus gave the command. The strange creature jumped at Makoto, and wrapped itself around him.

"He's a little young for me," it purred, "but he is kinda cute..."

Makoto turned several shades of red as he protested. "I thought I was supposed to be protected by URA, not URD!"

Urd smiled seductively and tickled his chin. "Aw, c'mon, kid. Millions of fan-boys wish they were you, right now."

Rune sighed. "Oh... that reminds me of how Alielle always clings to Fatora..."

Londs nodded. "He looks even more like Princess Fatora when he has the nymphomaniac around him."


	13. The Paranoid Demon God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2002; humor/parody; 200 words.
> 
> Just an excuse to quote _The Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy._
> 
> This takes place immediately after the end of the first OVA series.

Makoto and Ifurita were reunited as the sun rose over his school.

"Oh, Ifurita!" Makoto whispered, as he embraced his soul-mate. "Are you alright?"

Ifurita looked away from him with tearful eyes.

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed," she said.

"Was the waiting so terrible?" he asked.

"The first thousand years were the worst," Ifurita said, "and the second thousand years... They were the worst too. The third thousand years, I didn't enjoy at all. After that, I went into a bit of decline..."

She lifted her big blue anime-girl eyes up towards him. "I'm not getting you down at all, am I?" she asked pathetically.

"No, no, Ifurita," Makoto lilted, "that's just fine, really..."

"I wouldn't like to think that I was getting you down."

"No, don't worry about that," the lilt continued, "you just act as comes naturally, and everything will be just fine."

"You're sure you don't mind?" Ifurita probed.

"No, no, Ifurita," Makoto lilted, "that's just fine, really... just part of life."

Ifurita flashed him a mournful look. "Life?..." Ifurita moaned. "Don't talk to me about life..."

Hmm, Makoto thought. Maybe it's not too late to talk to Nanami about our relationship...


	14. Where's The Ka-Boom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2002; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> Just an excuse to quote "Marvin the Martian." There was supposed to be an earth-shattering ka-boom!
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Jinnai paced to and fro in the Bugrom throne room. He stopped and looked up as TV-Ifurita returned to him.

"Did you get it did you get it did you get it!?" he asked.

"Yup." Ifurita grinned, as she gave it to him. "Piece of cake."

But then, Ifurita held one finger to her mouth, in thought. "Y'know, it was almost too easy... It was kinda like they wanted us to have it..."

But Jinnai had paid no attention to her. He held the strangely hissing artifact high, and shouted triumphantly. "Oh, goody! The Illudium Q-36 explosive space modula—"

**ka-BOOM!!**


	15. Good Grief, Makoto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written July 2002; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> See also _Peanuts_. With apologies to Charles Schulz.

Nanami and Shayla met with Fatora and Alielle, just outside Makoto's door.

"Is that blockhead still pining for Ifurita?" asked Shayla.

Fatora smirked. "The other day, I found him holding a blanket and sucking his thumb."

Shayla shook her head. "He might as well be looking for the 'Great Pumpkin.'"

Alielle whined. "Oh, poor Makoto. Can't we help him, sir?"

Fatora scowled. "Stop calling me 'sir.'"

Nanami smiled and held up a lunch basket. "This will cheer up my sweet baboo."

Apparently, Makoto had overheard Nanami, and he yelled at her from his room. "I AM NOT YOUR SWEET BABOO!!"


	16. Anime Angst Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written August 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> Never let an angst-ridden demon god choose your anime.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

The Earthlings, Roshtarian royals, great priestesses and friends had all gathered in a large darkened room in the palace.

Makoto stood, at the front of the room, and addressed them all. "Welcome to the El-Hazard anime club's monthly viewing party. It was Ifurita's turn to choose the anime that we'll be viewing, so I'll let her read her play-list."

Ifurita stood up, beside Makoto, and read her choices from a piece of paper.

"First are a pair of later episodes of 'Neon Genesis Evangelion.'

Everyone's faces fell slightly.

"Then, episode five of 'Battle Athletes Victory.'"

The faces fell further.

"And then, 'Tiny Snow Fairy Sugar'..."

The faces raised, in hope.

"...episode six."

The faces fell again, even further.

"And, tonight's feature..."

Ifurita began to weep.

"Is..."

She put a hand to her mouth and choked back a sob.

"'Grave... Of The... Fireflies.'"

Ifurita sat back down and began to cry loudly.

Makoto began distributing economy-sized boxes of tissues and big fuzzy teddy bears to everyone in the room, as he spoke again. "Dr. Schtalubaugh will be available after the viewing for group therapy, and to fill our Prozac prescriptions...

"By the way, next month, we're running an 'Excel Saga' marathon."


	17. Big Help Afura (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written August 2002; humor/parody; 200 words.
> 
> In honor of the DVD release of the movie _Better Off Dead_.
> 
> This takes place before the end of the first OVA series, but after the second OVA series and _The Alternative World_.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura was flying to Floristica.

As she neared the palace, she saw Makoto, standing on a ledge outside a high turret window, looking completely overwhelmed. Apparently, his despair over losing Ifurita had led him there, although he was clearly having second thoughts about jumping.

Afura landed on the ledge beside him. "Makoto?"

Makoto didn't turn to look at her. "What?"

She looked at him sternly. "What are you doing?"

He still didn't move. "Nothin'..."

Afura sighed. "Yes you are."

Then she gave him a friendly smile. "Aw, buck up, little camper. We'll beat the Eye of God— together."

Makoto finally turned to her. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Afura grinned. "I'm right behind you, buddy!"

As Afura flew away, she gave Makoto a friendly slap on the back— and knocked him off the ledge. "YAH-HOO-HOO-HOOOOOOOOO!"

Fortunately for Makoto, it was trash day, and he fell into a hovercraft that was bearing a load of trash out of the palace.

Londs and Dr. Schtalubaugh happened to be standing at a lower window. They watched Makoto as he was taken out with the trash.

Londs turned to Schtalubaugh. "Man! That's a real shame when folks be throwing away a perfectly good Earth boy like that."


	18. Big Help Afura (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written August 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> OVA-Afura didn't explicitly have a library, but I've always assumed she had one too.  
>  (I hope you're taking notes.)
> 
> This takes place before the end of the first OVA series, but after the second OVA series and _The Alternative World_.

Afura entered her Muldoon temple library, to find Makoto at a desk, beside a window, closing a book.

She eyed his papers. "You must have taken several hundred pages of notes."

"A few thousand, I think," Makoto agreed.

He handed the musty book to her. "This was the last book. Afura, I can't thank you enough."

Afura smiled. "I hope you find... ah... HAH... ATCHOO!"

Unfortunately, Afura's sneeze triggered her lamp, and she blew Makoto's notes out the window.

She took off through the window. "Don't worry, Makoto. I should be able to get at least a few pages back."


	19. Big Help Afura (part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written August 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This takes place before the end of the first OVA series, but after the second OVA series and _The Alternative World_.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

"Oh, Afura!" Makoto cried. "This won't bring Ifurita back! Three years of research, all for nothing!"

Then he slumped, held his face in his hands, and began to sob.

Afura took a look at his calculations. "Hmm..."

Then she smiled. "No, it'll work. You just forgot to carry the two, here. See?"

Makoto raised his head, and looked at Afura's correction.

He slowly began to laugh. It was not the laugh of a sane man.

"Makoto?" asked Afura. "Are you alright?... Oh, you just need a hug. It's alright... Um, Makoto? Your hands are around my neck, and... ack... ack..."


	20. Coffee Achiever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written August 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Makoto came into the Shinonome Diner, looking like something the demon god drug in. This was at least partly because Ifurita had drug him in.

Nanami grinned at them as they sat at the counter. "Another late night in the royal library, huh?"

Makoto yawned. "Yeah... lost track of time..."

Nanami set two cups of coffee out for them. "You shouldn't keep doing this to yourself. You've got Ifurita back now, and..."

Ifurita sipped her coffee, and frowned. "Nanami, this coffee is very weak."

"Makoto?" asked Nanami. "How's yours?"

Makoto didn't answer. He had also taken a sip, and frozen, with a pained expression on his face.

Nanami grimaced. "Oh, Makoto! I'm sorry! I must have given you Ifurita's industrial-strength demon god coffee by mistake!"

"Are you alright?" Ifurita asked.

Makoto stiffly shook his head.

"Would you like to lie down for awhile?" Nanami asked.

Makoto stiffly nodded.

Nanami came out from behind the counter. "OK, hon. Let's go to the back room for a lie down. Ifurita, why don't you finish your coffee? On the house. Sorry."

Ifurita watched Nanami guide Makoto away, with concern.

Then she sipped from the other cup, and frowned again. "Better, but still weak..."


	21. The Fuzzy Tickler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written September 2002; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> Because it's the nice cute TV series, Deva. That's why not.
> 
> This takes place shortly after episode 13 of the TV series ("Pure Evil Genius").
> 
> This contains adult humor. (The original scene always seemed a bit suspect to me.) Reader discretion is advised.

Deva came to the doorway of Jinnai's private room in the Bugrom hive, with a look of uncertainty on her face, and with Jinnai's little cotton-ball-on-a-stick in her hand.

Jinnai raised an eyebrow. "What is it, Deva?"

"About this... punishment... that you just... administered... to Ifurita..." Deva said hesitantly.

"Ah." Jinnai smiled confidently. "It may have seemed harsh, but our little 'demon doll' has to learn... to... eh?"

Deva leaned over Jinnai seductively, and whispered in his ear. "Actually... it looked like fun. Why don't you tie me up, and use this fuzzy tickler on me?"

Jinnai gulped. " _ma_ — _masaka_!..."


	22. The Lemon Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written September 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.  
>  It also takes place after "[Broadband](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6128782/chapters/14045638)."
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fatora and Alielle had come to Makoto and Ifurita's rooms, to try out the new trans-dimensional wireless Internet connection.

"So, this is... fan fiction?" Alielle asked.

"Yup," Makoto answered. "Fan fiction dot net. It's probably the biggest collection of fan fiction on the Internet."

Fatora smiled slyly. "So... where's the good stuff?"

Makoto looked at her blankly. "Eh?"

Fatora sighed. "You know... the adult content? The _yuri_ stories?"

Makoto sighed. "They don't allow NC-17 stories here anymore."

Fatora pulled a face. "Well, what good is that site, then?"

"I'd rather they permitted MSTs and lists again, myself," Makoto said. "Some of those were great... But I just don't see the attraction of NC-17 stories. They're all so..."

Ifurita looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "Then why did you read so many NC-17 stories when you first found this site?"

Makoto gulped. "Uh... It was... strictly for academic purposes. But they're all so unrealistic. I mean, there aren't any women in the real world that are that, uh... promiscuous. Or that... aggressive. I certainly don't know any women... like..."

Fatora and Alielle both looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

Makoto hung his head. "I'm going to shut up now."


	23. My Hovercraft Is Full Of Eels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written September 2002; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> See also [_Monty Python's Flying Circus_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python%27s_Flying_Circus).
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 1 of the first OVA series. What if Jinnai's ability didn't work quite right?...

The ridiculously dressed woman stood up from her throne, as Jinnai was brought before her. She eyed Jinnai with disdain, and then she spoke. "I am Deva! I am queen, ruler of the omnipotent Bugrom empire!"

Jinnai smiled confidently, cleared his throat, and introduced himself— or so he thought. "I will not buy this record! It is scratched!"

Deva raised one eyebrow, and scowled. "This is no record store, little man. This is the Bugrom hive!"

Jinnai looked at Deva in confusion. But then, he smiled, and spoke again. "Ah! I will not buy this Bugrom hive! It is scratched."


	24. Wound Up Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written September 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series. It was inspired by a topic on the "Nightfall's" EH mailing list.
> 
> This contains drinking humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Is something wrong with Ifurita?" asked Nanami. "Is she sick?"

Makoto stood at their door and fidgeted. "No, not exactly. She needed a recharge, but I wound her key-staff too tight... and now she's... 'tight'."

Nanami's eyes widened. "You mean— she's drunk!?"

Then she grinned. "Oh, I've got to see this."

Makoto raised a hand, in concern. "You shouldn't—"

Nanami barged into Makoto and Ifurita's rooms. "Aw, why not?"

A tearful Ifurita lunged at Nanami and glomped her. "WAAAH!! NANAMI!! I LOVE YOU!! WAAAH!!"

Nanami pulled a face. "Of course. An angst-ridden demon god would make for a 'sad drunk'."


	25. El-Hazard In A Minute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> First written as an addition to a "anime in a minute" collection. Slightly edited down to 100 words for this drabble.

**JINNAI:** I'm going to get you!

**MAKOTO:** I'm gonna die!

**IFURITA:** I love you. I'm sending you to El-Hazard.

**MAKOTO:** I'm gonna die!

**SHAYLA:** 'Get out of the women's bath' does not mean 'fall into Shayla's chest.'

**MAKOTO:** I'm gonna die!

**JINNAI:** OK, now I'm going to get you!

**IFURITA:** I don't know you. I'm going to kill you.

**MAKOTO:** I'm gonna die!

**JINNAI:** OK, NOW I'm going to get you!

**NANAMI:** How long have you been pining after Ifurita!?

**MAKOTO:** I'm gonna die!

**IFURITA:** I love you. I'm going to disappear for ten thousand years.

**MAKOTO:** I WANNA die!


	26. Fe-Mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> "It's foreign tongue Fatora gets!"
> 
> This contains adult humor and exteme silliness. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto sighed. "So you have a stamp with your picture on it now. That shouldn't be that unusual for a princess. What are you all excited about?"

Fatora grinned maniacally. "Just think of it. Soon, women all over Roshtaria will be licking me!"

Makoto sighed again. "Oh, you've got to be kidding."

"My associate will demonstrate." Fatora snapped her fingers.

Alielle held up a sheet of Fatora stamps, and began to lick them in an entirely inappropriate manner. "Mmm... Mm-hmm..."

Makoto was bemused. "Huh. That brings back memories of when I first met Alielle."

Then he shook his head. "Ngh... Oh, this is just silly! Fatora, you can't use the royal postal service for your..."

But Fatora was lost in the imagining of her sad strange little fantasy. She danced out of the room, holding a hand to her mouth and laughing haughtily. "Ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho!..."

Then Makoto felt a tug on his clothing, and he looked down.

Alielle looked up at him with the stamps hanging from her mouth. "The thampth are thtuck."

"You know," Makoto said, "you shouldn't lick that many stamps with a dry tongue."

Alielle pulled a face. "Now he tellth me."


	27. Quackery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Why Miz? Well, I have difficulty writing anything for her, and she was the water priestess, so you'd think she'd have one...
> 
> This probably takes place some time before the first OVA series.

Miz stood at a door of the temple of Mount Muldoon, and scowled at the supplicant who kneeled before her. "What do you want with me?"

The supplicant cowered. "Milady... When you recently visited Arliman..."

Miz grew even more angry. "What!? What business of yours is that!?"

"Milady! Please! You left your rubber duck behind!" And the supplicant held it up.

Miz gasped. Then she took the toy. "Ah. Um. Well. Thank you. That will be all."

She watched the supplicant leave, and held the duck to her cheek and sighed happily. "Oh, Mr. Qwacky! I missed you so much..."


	28. Time Passes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> See also "Time" by Pink Floyd.
> 
> Yup, it's yet another angst joke. But other peoples' misery can be so much fun...
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Nanami encountered Ifurita in the Shinonome Diner, sitting off by herself, vacantly staring through a window.

Nanami smiled warmly. "What's up? Whatcha doin'?"

Ifurita turned and rolled her eyes up to Nanami. "I am ticking away the moments that make up a dull day.

"I am watching the days pass, so very slowly, yet all too fast. I am watching my dear friends grow old and die before my very eyes, while I am trapped by the terrible curse of immortality, unable to take my own life because it would hurt my friends.

"I am passing millenia, knowing that, in the end, the sun will explode and destroy this world in a hellish inferno beyond all imagining. Only then shall my life come to an end. Only then shall I know true peace."

Nanami fell into a seat next to Ifurita, breathing out heavily, dragged down by the sheer weight of Ifurita's response.

Time passed.

—

Shayla encountered Ifurita and Nanami in the Shinonome Diner, sitting off by themselves, vacantly staring through a window.

Shayla smiled warmly. "What's up? Whatcha doin'?"

Nanami turned and rolled her eyes up to Shayla. "We're ticking away the moments that make up a dull day..."


	29. Well Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Makoto and Ifurita had gone to the Shinonome Diner for a fine Sunday dinner. Nanami was too busy to eat with them, but she served their meals personally.

Makoto looked down at a steak dinner plate that Nanami had just set in front of him. "Namami? I'm sorry, but I ordered a steak well-done, and this is almost raw..."

Nanami grinned. "Wait."

Shayla sat at a nearby table, trying to push away a clinging Fatora and Alielle, and rapidly approaching the end of her limited patience.

Nanami counted down out loud. "Three... two... one..."

A fire bolt landed on Makoto's plate. It burned for a moment, then dissipated, to reveal a perfectly cooked well-done steak.

Makoto took a bite, and grinned. "This is great!"

Nanami leaned over their table again. "Oh, your candle's gone out. Let's see..."

She pushed it a few centimeters to one side and stood back up, and another fire bolt flew over the table and re-lit it.

Ifurita smiled warmly. "Dear Nanami. You are very skilled at turning events to your advantage."

Nanami grinned again as she leaned to and fro, dodging more fire bolts. "It's still a problem when customers order ice cream for dessert."


	30. When Pigs Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 3 of the first OVA series. (Ever wonder where poor Sansuke landed? Or, more importantly, what he landed on?)
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Jinnai crept through the growth surrounding the Arliman oasis, followed by Groucho and a few other Bugrom.

He heard a woman scream, and then he heard his sensei attacking something.

"Confound it!" he swore. "I wish I could see what's going on!"

Then Groucho tapped at his shoulder, grunted frantically and pointed up.

Jinnai sneered. "Oh, please! I've only been in this world for a few days, but we all know that those creatures can't... fly..."

He saw all of the Bugrom back away from him. Then, he looked directly above him.

Jinnai sighed. "This is going to be painful."


	31. White Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2002; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 14 of the TV series ("The Legendary Snowfields").

Makoto looked around. "It looks like snow... but it can't be..."

TV-Rune Venus also looked around. "What else could it be?"

Makoto saw one of the white specks land on Rune's shoulder. "A mayfly! Mayflies hatch around this time of year..."

"And they look like snow flakes," Rune said.

Makoto smiled. "It is the snow of legend. And it does bring happiness..."

"BUGS!! EEEEEEEE!!"

Kauru ran towards Makoto and Rune, and collapsed at their feet in sheer terror.

Makoto looked down at her. "Kauru!? What's she doing here?"

Rune also looked at the whimpering Kauru. "Having a nervous breakdown, apparently..."


	32. Vote for Fatora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written 5-Nov-2002 (Election Day in the USA); humor; 100 words.
> 
> This was inspired by a silly topic on the "El Hazard Fan Club" mailing list.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

**ALIELLE:** Vote for Fatora-sama... to ensure full disclosure of the activities of fire priestesses!

**FATORA:** (holds up a warrant for a strip-search) And we mean— FULL disclosure!

**SHAYLA:** (gulps)

**ALIELLE:** And... to ensure strict compliance with all regulations for Earth-born restaurateurs!

**FATORA:** (holds up a pair of handcuffs) And we mean— STRICT compliance!

**NANAMI:** (gulps)

**ALIELLE:** Our election oversight committee will ensure fair voting for all citizens!

**FATORA:** We got yer hanging chads right here, pal!

**ALIELLE:** (holds up her open hand, then clenches and twists it)

**MAKOTO:** (gulps)

**FATORA:** Vote for me... or ELSE!

**ALIELLE:** Vote early, vote often!


	33. Dressing Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written November 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Makoto walked through his private rooms, wondering if Ifurita was back from her now regular patrols of the skies over Roshtaria.

He heard the sound of a shower from the bathroom. She must be washing off the dust after her flight, he thought.

He saw her long black cloak, draped over a chair, next to a wall mirror. He held one sleeve up, and took it up from the chair.

On a very silly impulse, he put it on, and looked at himself in the mirror.

It's a little small for me, he thought, grinning. And black really isn't my color...

Of course, just then, Nanami came to the door. "Makoto? What on Earth are you doing!?"

Makoto raised one hand, in protest. "No! It's not what you—"

And then, Ifurita came out from the bathroom, wearing a fuzzy robe, with her long thick hair wrapped in a towel.

She put a hand to her mouth, but smiled. "Oh, my."

Nanami turned to Ifurita and winked at her. "Old habits die hard, eh?"

Makoto protested again. "But it's not what you—"

But then, he collapsed into the chair and sighed. "Aw, nuts. I give up. It's exactly what you think."


	34. Catastrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written December 2002; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> This contains YIKES. Reader discretion is advised.

"Makoto?" asked Londs. "What are you doing up this late?"

"Looking for Ura," said Makoto. "How about you?"

"The Princess Rune Venus couldn't sleep. She has a difficult matter of state to ponder. She decided to take a late-night bath, and..."

"Discuss it with the puppet?" Makoto asked, smiling.

Londs held up Rune's beloved puppet, and sighed. "Yes."

Makoto frowned. "It sure is dark. I hope she doesn't—"

They both suddenly heard a cat yowling— as if someone had tried to put a hand where it really shouldn't go.

Londs sighed again. "I'll get some bandages for her claw scratches."


	35. The Last Switcheroo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written December 2002; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> Someone else must have already thought of this joke by now...
> 
> This takes place immediately after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto materialized near his school, and Ifurita ran to meet him. She wept with joy as she fell into his embrace. "Oh, Makoto!..."

Then she gasped. "Makoto! You should recharge me first, before you put your hand there!"

Makoto smiled, a little too eagerly. "Oh. Right. Sorry."

Ifurita raised an eyebrow. "Your voice is different. And... why is Alielle with you?"

Suddenly, Makoto appeared at "Makoto's" side, bound and gagged in his underwear, somehow using his "Alternative World" dimensional transporter.

Ifurita drew back, and growled.

Alielle gulped. "Now what?"

Fatora also gulped. "As Makoto used to say— we're gonna die."


	36. Guidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written January 2003; humor; 100 words.

The Princess Rune Venus stood at her balcony, looking out at the night sky, as she had done so many nights before.

_Heavy hangs the head that bears the crown_ , she thought. _When so many people depend on you for guidance..._

"*ahem* Milady? Sorry, but where's the..."

Rune turned, and saw Makoto, smiling sheepishly, holding himself, and dancing from foot to foot, trying to contain himself.

She sighed. "Down the hall, second door on the left."

Rune watched Makoto stagger away. _The dear boy_ , she thought. _How is he going to rescue Ifurita when he still can't find the bathroom?_


	37. Double Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written February 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> When two girls kiss, it's an adult movie. When two guys kiss, it's a situation comedy. Not that there's anything WRONG with that...
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of _The Alternative World_.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"I know I shouldn't," Makoto said, "but I just can't help myself. I've felt it since the first time we met..."

"Don't worry," Parnasse said. "There's no reason to be ashamed. I've always felt that way too..."

They fell into each others' arms. Then they kissed each other. But then, they both realized that something was terribly wrong.

"You're not Alielle," said Makoto. "You're... Parnasse."

"And you're not Fatora," said Parnasse. "You're... Makoto."

They both stood, still holding each other, for a long silent awkward pause.

"Parnasse?" said Makoto. "Let's not speak of this again."

"Yes." Parnasse agreed. "Let's not."


	38. El-Hina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written February 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> See also [_Love Hina_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_Hina).
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 1 of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Oh Makoto," said Ifurita. "I've waited so long for you... We meet at last..."

Makoto watched the pale woman stagger towards him. She seemed barely able to walk.

He raised his arms, then took a step forwards, to catch her.

He tripped on a small piece of rubble, stumbled forwards himself, and fell face-first into Ifurita's exposed cleavage.

Ifurita looked down at him with a scowl. Veins began to pop out on her forehead. She spoke, through clenched teeth, as she held up a fist and visibly shook with anger. "With my remaining strength... I shall PUNCH you to El-Hazard..."


	39. El-Matrix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written February 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> See also _The Matrix_. (Take a pill, dude.)
> 
> This is (another) out-take from episode 1 of the first OVA series.

Fujisawa sat in a comfy chair, in the ruins beneath the school. Ifurita stood behind the chair. Makoto stood before them both.

Fujisawa held out an open hand to Makoto. He offered two pills to Makoto, and spoke. "This is your last chance. After this, there is no going back.

"You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed, and believe whatever you want to believe.

"You take the red pill, she sends you to El-Hazard. And, we show you how deep the Bugrom hive goes."

Makoto gulped. "Uh, sensei? What about 'Just Say No'?"


	40. It Pays To Advertise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written February 2003; humor; 200 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.

TV-Rune Venus sat at a small table in the royal palace. Makoto stood at her side. Nanami stood at her other side, shuffling papers on the table, and arguing loudly with both of them.

"It's an unexploited commercial resource!" Nanami said.

"But— this is simply unacceptable!" Rune Venus said.

"How could you even *think* of doing this?" Makoto said.

Nanami pointed out some numbers on one page. "I'm offering to pay well over the standard commercial royalties!"

"It's not a question of money!" Rune Venus said.

"It's not acceptable, no matter what!" Makoto said.

Nanami smiled slyly. "What if I throw in some 'Snow of Legend' bean jam rice cakes..."

"Where do I sign?" Rune Venus asked.

"I'll start building it right away," Makoto said.

—

"AAUGH!!" said Jinnai.

TV-Ifurita came to his side. "Master? What's wrong!?"

Trembling with rage, Jinnai pointed through an open window. Ifurita turned to look through the window.

The Eye of God hung low in the sky. "Eat at Nanami's Shinonome Diner" was spelled out, on its near side, in huge neon letters.

Ifurita turned back, to see Jinnai beating his head against the wall.

"Oh..." Ifurita said. "Does that mean you don't want to go?"


	41. Which Way Is Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written February 2003; humor; 100 words.

Fujisawa and Miz carefully climbed down a damp rocky slope, and argued loudly.

"Miz, please," Fujisawa said. "I know where we're going."

Miz sighed. "This is obviously not Mount Lilicoco, darling. This is, in fact, a cave."

Fujisawa reached into his backpack and produced a map. "But, according to this map, we're on the southern slope of..."

Miz looked over his shoulder at the map. Then she took it from him, turned it upside-down, and handed it back to him.

Fujisawa gulped. "Oops."

Miz rolled her eyes and sighed again. "I told you that we should have stopped for directions."


	42. Break Like The Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This actually works with either the OVA or the TV series.
> 
> I usually try to avoid bodily-function humor. But sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.
> 
> This contains mild gross-out humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura stood at the edge of a high mountain cliff, looking out across El-Hazard. The wind gently blew across her clothing and her hair.

Ah, she thought. The wind. The softest summer breeze, and the most ferocious hurricane. The bringer of life, and the taker of life. The most powerful, and mysterious, of the three forces of nature.

The wind takes many different forms, Afura thought.

She suddenly heard an unmistakable, and unpleasant, sound.

Shayla walked up, grinning sheepishly. "Phew. Shouldn't oughta had that third bowl of chili, huh."

Afura held her nose and groaned. "Ngh! Don't light your lamp!"


	43. Creterian Pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> Alyson Hannigan would have made a great live-action Kauru.
> 
> This is an out-take from _The Alternative World_ (obviously).
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto came into the small palace library that doubled as his living quarters. He smiled to see Kauru, come to visit him.

He sat down next to Kauru and sighed. "Well, Gilda won't let me near the Spring of Life. And Nanami is busy with her restaurant. There's nothing for me to do."

Kauru smiled. "Mr. Makoto? If you want? We could do this..." She leaned over and whispered in Makoto's ear.

Makoto gasped, and turned several shades of red. "KAURU!! Where did you learn about that!?"

Kauru smiled again, more slyly now. "Um... This one time?... At priestess camp?..."


	44. Diplomacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> Just an excuse to quote a skit from the brilliant cartoon series _The Critic_. Madonna said the [CENSORED] bits in the original.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"C'mon, sis," Fatora whispered. "You know I'm not 'interested' in meeting this guy."

Rune whispered back, smiling slyly. "This particular diplomat has been annoying me for weeks."

Fatora also smiled slyly. "Oh. Gotcha. Let me at 'im!"

"May I present the princess Fatora," Rune said aloud.

The diplomat bowed. "Milady. May I say what an honor it is to meet you. And may I say, your beauty—"

Fatora scowled. "Don't [CENSORED] with me, pal."

The diplomat frowned. "Oh dear. Do you eat with that mouth?"

Fatora grinned. "Yeah... and I also [CENSORED] and [CENSORED] with it."

The diplomat winced. "EWW!!"


	45. Dizz Knee Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> See also "[Dizz Knee Land](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dizz_Knee_Land)" by [dada](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dada_\(band\)).
> 
> This takes place immediately after the end of the first OVA series.

An older Makoto had returned to the ruins beneath Shinonome High, Ifurita at his side, for a high school broadcast club interview.

An older Nanami had also returned with them. She had agreed to do one last interview for the broadcast club.

"Well, Makoto," she said, "you've worked for years, and crossed dimensions, to be reunited with your soul-mate. What are the two of you going to do now?"

Makoto grinned, put one arm around Ifurita, and gave an I-did-it sign. "We're going to Disneyland!"

Nanami raised an eyebrow.

Makoto pulled a face. "No. Really. I've always wanted to go."


	46. Kauru Toweless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 200 words.
> 
> Maybe El-Hazard has dialects, like Japan, and Kauru/Qawool's name is spelled differently by dialect. Or maybe someone fouled up the romanization, and I'm taking all of this way too seriously.
> 
> Kauru was casual about nudity in _The Alternative World_ — but lots of _The Alternative World_ didn't make much sense.
> 
> This contains nudity (duh). Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto was strolling aimlessly through the royal palace of Floristica, lost in his thoughts.

He looked up, and around, as he heard the sound of bare feet, slapping against the stone floor, coming towards him.

A blur of blue hair and pale skin streaked past him— literally. "Mr. Makoto! Please don't look!" it said, in a frantic voice. It quickly disappeared around a corner.

Then the Princess Rune Venus walked up to Makoto, from around the same corner. She looked back over her shoulder. "Who was that, Makoto?"

Makoto gulped. "I think it was Kauru Toweless."

Rune smiled. "Makoto, you're mixing the dialects of El-Hazard. It's 'Qawool Towles', in the common tongue, and 'Kauru Taurus', in her native dialect."

Makoto frowned. "No— I mean, it was Kauru 'towel-less'. As in Kauru, without a towel."

Rune also frowned. "Oh. Oh dear. She must have been using the palace baths. But, why was she—"

And then, Fatora and Alielle walked up. Fatora was carrying a large towel, with Kauru's distinctive family crest embroidered on one of its corners.

Alielle gulped, as Rune and Makoto glared at them both. But Fatora sighed, and glared back at Rune and Makoto, and spoke indignantly. "What!?"


	47. Pull Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor/parody; 200 words.
> 
> See also "[Fast Food](http://www.allmusic.com/song/fast-food-mt0028252766)" by Stevens & Grdnic.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami had expanded into the fast food market. She had added a drive-through lane around the Shinonome Diner, and installed a large back-lit menu with a speaker next to the lane.

Kauru had pulled up to the menu in her battered cruiser. She shouted at the speaker, her voice rising. "I said, a double cheeseburger! Onion rings! And a large orange drink!"

" _nam elcitrap setah nam elgnairt_ ," the speaker said.

"A DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER!!" Kauru yelled.

" _hgih em tog eutats eht_."

"ONION RINGS!!"

" _mrow rotcod em llac yeht_."

"AND A LARGE— ORANGE— DRINK!!"

" _ereh ni duol os sti nam_."

"AAUGH!!" said Kauru. She suddenly rammed her cruiser against the menu, out of sheer frustration.

Afura and Shayla were waiting in a second cruiser, behind Kauru. With bemused expressions, they silently watched Kauru lose it.

Afura tut-tut'ed. "Road rage. And it's always the last person you'd expect..."

—

Nanami looked over the smoking ruins of her drive-through menu.

She turned to Groucho. "I'm afraid that you're just not suited for drive-through service work."

" _deah teppup eht edisni dnah rouy tup_ ," the Bugrom said.

Nanami sighed. "I wish this drabble was based on the TV series, so that at least *I* could understand you."


	48. Putty In Her Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> I don't remember if TV-Ifurita offered a massage more than once, to TV-Rune Venus in episode 18. But it's one of those bits that stuck in my head...

"Mr. Jinnai?" asked Deva. "Are you... alright!?..."

Jinnai answered slowly. "Y'know how Ifurita's always offering massages? And she says that she's really good at it? I finally let her give me one. And she IS good. Oh, she's really, REALLY good."

Then he sighed deeply. He seemed completely relaxed, possibly for the first time ever.

Deva turned to TV-Ifurita. "Is this true?"

Ifurita answered nervously. "Yes, ma'am."

Deva crossed her arms and regarded Ifurita sternly. "In that case, I have one thing to say."

Ifurita braced herself for yet another scolding. "Yes, ma'am?"

Deva suddenly grinned maniacally. "Do me next!!"


	49. Skin Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This contains more border-line adult humor. (Mom would be so proud.) Reader discretion is advised.

A tired and dusty Afura came into the Shinonome Diner. She sat at Nanami's counter, next to Fatora and Alielle.

Nanami greeted her cheerfully. "What can I get for you, Afura?"

Afura sighed. "Just tea, please. I've been flying over the Desert of Bleached White Bones, and I should get back to the temple soon."

She looked down at her skin-tight uniform. "The first thing I'm going to do, is peel these clothes off, and take a nice long hot shower. Kauru put in this wonderful massaging shower attachment for me..."

Alielle thought about this, gulped, and got up to leave. "Um... if you'll excuse me, I have to take a COLD shower now."

Afura sighed again. "Then I'll soak in the tub. I think I'll try some Barage Market perfumed bath oil. It's supposed to be like bathing in milk and honey..."

Fatora gulped, and also got up to leave. "Oh boy. *I* need a cold shower too."

Afura was thoughtful. "I don't want to get dry itchy skin. I'd better take some warm cocoa butter body cream, and slather it—"

Nanami gulped. "Afura? Would you mind stopping there? If you keep this up, *I'LL* need a cold shower."


	50. Strung Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto and Fujisawa were traveling alone, in the mountains, when they were ambushed by Jinnai and his elite Bugrom troops.

Makoto glared at Jinnai. "You know that you can't hurt me while I'm wearing Ura!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha ha! Ha!" said Jinnai. "Guess again, Mizuhara!" He snapped his fingers, and Groucho held up a ball of yarn.

Makoto gulped. "Oh boy."

Groucho suddenly scampered away, trailing one end of the yarn behind him. Ura chased the yarn— dragging Makoto along the ground. "Ow! Oof! Ouch! Ngh! Ow!..."

Fujisawa sighed. _Oh well, he thought_ , _at least they didn't use catnip toys._


	51. Suck Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor/parody; 200 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> See also [_Twister_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twister_%281996_film%29). (Afura is good, Afura is wise.)
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 16 of the TV series ("Whirlwind").
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura and TV-Ifurita faced each other, deep within the huge whirlwind that threatened to destroy Floristica.

"That's enough!" Afura said to herself, as she prepared herself to attack Ifurita. "She's going to be taught a lesson she won't soon forget!"

But then, Afura suddenly screamed. "AAUGH!! What the—? Ping pong balls with cut-out soda can propellors!? AAUGH!! They'll cut me into ribbons!! OUCH!! OUCH!! OUCH!!"

Then she gasped as a giant metal container hurtled towards her. Just before it knocked her unconscious, she could have sworn that she saw the word "Dorothy" painted on its side...

—

Afura struggled from her bed, but then she swooned to the floor. Nanami kneeled to help her up.

"Where did Makoto go when you left?" Afura asked. "Do you know where Shayla is?"

"Well," Nanami said, "Makoto and Shayla went back to the tornado. Shayla said, 'I must avenge the death of Afura Mann.' And Makoto said the data from his 'Dorothy' invention might help Shayla deal with the whirlwind. Isn't that nice, don't you think so?"

Afura scowled. "Why, the total nerve of those two! I'm not even dead yet! Oh, but there's going to be two funerals when I've finished with them!..."


	52. Sugar Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 100 words.

Nanami and Shayla met, within the royal palace of Floristica, just as Alielle zinged past both of them.

Shayla whistled. "That's awfully energetic, even for Alielle. Were her feet even touching the ground?"

Nanami was bemused. "Maybe it was because I let her have a second donut at the diner this morn—"

"WHAT!?" yelled Shayla. She grabbed Nanami by the shoulders. "Sweet mother of pearl, woman!! You doubled Alielle's sugar intake!? Do you realize what you've done!?"

Nanami turned away, saw Alielle zooming back towards them, and gulped. "Oh boy. We're gonna get glomped as we've never been glomped before."


	53. This Is Not My Beautiful Chair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> See also _Dog Eat Dog_ by "Weird Al" Yankovic; see also [_The Young Ones_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Young_Ones_\(TV_series\)).

Fatora had caught a nasty cold, and Makoto had agreed to pretend to be her again. But he had forgotten how much work it was.

He stumbled into an empty throne room, slumped on a cushion, and sighed heavily.

He gulped as Rune Venus entered the room. "Who's there?"

She smiled. "Fatora! You're feeling better." Makoto relaxed.

Then Rune frowned. "But you KNOW you're not allowed to sit on MY throne." She produced a short wooden ruler, holding it like an angry Catholic school nun.

Makoto gulped again. Out of one frying pan, he thought, and into another frying pan...


	54. Unfamiliar Ceiling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> This follows episodes 3 and 5 of the TV series.

Afura sat in her new library, reading a book. She looked up as part of her ceiling detached and flew away.

"That strange object he put on the roof," Afura said to herself. "It's flying!"

She giggled. "I wonder what people will call that when they see it?"

—

TV-Rune Venus looked up at a building on the grounds of the old summer palace.

She sighed. _They've almost re-constructed the roof that Makoto cut away_ , she thought. _But I wish it was finished..._

Afura's library roof flew up, and fell into place, completing the construction.

_Huh_ , Rune thought. _Now that's service._


	55. When It's A Jar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> The best things in life are always out of reach.

Alielle called down. "Just a little higher, Doctor!"

Schtalubaugh held her feet on his shoulders. "No, it's no use."

Alielle climbed down, and sat on the floor. "Why'd they put the royal cookie jar on the top shelf? I wanted a cookie, too!"

Schtalubaugh sat beside her. "Well, my dear, we'll both have to wait for dinner."

Alielle stuck out her bottom lip and pouted. "I hate being one of the shortest people in the palace."

"Indeed," Schtalubaugh said. "You have no idea how difficult it is to maintain the royal library when you can't reach past the third shelf."


	56. Dust In The Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2003; cross-over/humor; 100 words.
> 
> See also "Dust In The Wind" by Kansas.
> 
> After repeatedly watching the first OVA series, I found myself wondering why Ifurita's tomb was so much cleaner than the rest of the ruins on the Forbidden Island...
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 4 of the first OVA series.

Makoto wandered through the ruins on the Forbidden Island. He came to a large open doorway. "Oh! Look at that!" he said to himself.

He walked into the room, towards an open canopy. "This must be the place where they sealed up the demon."

Then he frowned. "But... why is this room so much cleaner than the rest of the ruins? There should be some dust, at least..."

He heard sweeping sounds, turned, and saw TV-Ifurita, sweeping the floor with her broom.

She smiled sweetly. "Don't mind me. The demon god you want is taking a nap under the canopy."


	57. Highest Bidder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2003; humor; 200 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> This was inspired by a silly topic on an El-Hazard message board.
> 
> This contains weird humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura had asked Shayla to come to the wind shrine. Shayla sat at a table as Afura served some tea.

Afura spoke after Shayla sipped at her tea. "Thanks for coming, Shayla. I just wanted to tell you— I sold you on eBay."

Shayla choked on her tea, threw her cup down, and stood back up. "WHAT!?"

Afura sighed. "Don't worry. You brought a good price. In fact, you brought more than I expected."

Shayla's headband flared wildly. "WHAT!?" she yelled again.

Afura sighed again. "Don't worry. I'll box you up and ship you off as soon as the knock-out pills in your tea kick in."

"WHAT!?" Shayla yelled once more, and promptly fell unconscious.

—

Jinnai pried open a huge crate with a crowbar, as TV-Ifurita flew circles around him.

"Whadja get!?" Ifurita asked. "Whadja get!?"

"Never you mind!" Jinnai said. He pulled the lid off and set it aside. He reached into the crate, fumbled through the styrofoam peanuts, and pulled a still-comatose Shayla up from the crate.

Ifurita grinned. "Kewl! You got a Miss Fire Lady!"

_Aw, nuts_ , Jinnai thought. _That's the last time I bid in an online auction that doesn't have a picture of the merchandise._


	58. The Juice Is Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> This actually works with either the OVA or the TV series.
> 
> This is one of the dumbest drabbles I've ever written. Just an excuse to quote an old "Saturday Night Live" skit. Yes, the original skit also broke the fourth wall...

Makoto and Fujisawa were enjoying a new specialty at Nanami's restaurant.

"These gyros are great!" Fujisawa said.

"They sure are," Makoto agreed. "But I'm almost out of juice."

He stood up, and walked up to Nanami's counter. "Uh, Nanami? Could I have some more juice for my gyro, please?"

Nanami grinned. "You like-a da juice? Da juice is good, yes?"

Makoto sighed. "I'd like to speak to the author, please."

Eric appeared. "Is there a problem?" he asked.

"Eric, this has to be the dumbest drabble you've ever written," Makoto said.

Eric's face fell. "Oh. You no like-a da drabble?"


	59. Make A List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> This was partly inspired by Seto of Jurai's "No Thanks For The Memories." The last line is from [an old Sesame Street cartoon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im4GwUD1UY8).

Ifurita prepared herself for ten thousand years of endless night. _Dearest Makoto_ , she thought. _Thank you for sharing your memories with me. Your precious gift is my only hope of remaining sane..._

She drifted back through her memories of Makoto's last morning on Earth. She saw Makoto's mother read a shopping list to him, and she saw him promise to stop at the grocery store on his way home.

_Oh no_ , Ifurita thought. _Now I'll have to remember it too— for ten thousand years. I mustn't forget..._

_A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter._


	60. Runination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2002 / April 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Get it? Rune's rumination? "Rune-ination"? Oh, never mind...
> 
> This was lifted from my only turn in an abandoned round robin on a now-defunct _El-Hazard_ mailing list.

The Princess Rune Venus was meeting with the Earthlings and the great priestesses, after Jinnai and the remaining Bugrom had caused more trouble.

"Thank you for coming," Rune said. "We—"

She was interrupted by a beeping sound from her waist.

Rune held up a tiny electronic organizer, and sighed. "Oh dear. It's time for me to go stand at my palace balcony and gaze sadly into the distance for a few hours, again. Um, Fatora? Can you cover for me? Thank you, dear. Ciao."

Everyone watched her leave. Then they turned to Fatora.

Fatora sighed. "And people think I'm eccentric..."


	61. Shayla's Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2003; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> This contains possible mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Shayla grinned sheepishly and rubbed her neck. "Sorry, Afura. I didn't mean to keep this book for so long."

Afura looked at the book that Shayla had just handed her, and frowned. "Shayla, this book is weeks overdue."

Shayla's shoulders slumped. "Aw, c'mon. You're not gonna hold me to—"

Afura eyed a deck of Pettan cards in Shayla's pocket. "And you can't pay the overdue fine, can you?"

Shayla gulped.

"You'll have to work it off." Afura handed a frilly French maid outfit to Shayla. "You can change in the bathroom. Oh, and you can start by cleaning the bathroom."


	62. You Look Mahvelous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written April 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Reused 1-Sep-2016 for the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[angry fruit salad](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series. If one wore the same long black cloak for thousands of years, one probably wouldn't have much clothes sense...

Makoto and Nanami were strolling through the palace. Alielle suddenly ran past them both, wailing and sobbing hysterically.

Then Fatora ran past them. She paused long enough to explain. "Ifurita got into the royal wardrobe. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to flee in mortal terror."

And then, Ifurita appeared. "Do these clothes suit me, Makoto?"

Makoto gulped. "I'm a guy, but... stripes and polka dots?... and that combination of colors?... and is that a HAT?... Dear GOD, I think I'm going to be SICK."

"Ifurita, hon?" Nanami said nervously. "You've got a lot to learn about human fashion."


	63. Crystal Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2003; humor; 200 words.

Kauru came out from the Muldoon temple, to find Afura carefully dragging a statue of Shayla in crystal towards the open doorway.

"What a beautiful statue of Miss Shayla," said Kauru. "But... what a strange pose. She looks like she's drunk."

Afura sighed, but grinned. "It's not a statue. And she was drunk."

Kauru gasped. "You mean..."

"Yup," Afura said. "She went to town and got drunk, and then she got lost on the way home last night. And then, she wandered into the Crystal Tunnels, and got herself petrified."

Kauru sighed. "Oh dear."

"Yup," Afura said again. "But now, we have to make a difficult decision."

Kauru blinked. "What do you mean, Miss Afura?"

Afura grinned again. "The longer we wait to break her free from the crystal, the more angry she'll be with us. But, the longer we wait, the more peace and quiet we'll have."

Then Afura rubbed her chin. "So what do you think? It's still early morning. Shall we leave her like this until lunch-time?"

Kauru gasped again. "Oh no, Miss Afura! I think it'd be best to break her out after lunch."

_Get ready to die_ , Shayla thought. _But save me some lunch, too._


	64. Distaff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2003; humor/parody; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> Just an excuse to quote Daffy Duck. This is an out-take from episode 12 of the TV series ("Tomb Of The Demon God").
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

A skeptical Makoto stood in Ifurita's tomb, crossed his arms and sighed. "Y'know, I don't think she's Ifurita..."

A still-sleepy TV-Ifurita protested. "I am Ifurita! Really! I'll prove it!"

She suddenly fell into an attack stance, brandished her key-staff, and shouted her moves. "Ho ha ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! THRUST!!"

The end of her key-staff struck against the wall, and its shaft bounced back and whacked her in the face.

Makoto went to her side. "Are you OK!?" he asked.

Ifurita held her nose and sniffled. "Bud I reedy am Idurida!"

Makoto sighed again. "Sure you are."


	65. Fujisawa Punch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> "[We ALL put the yeast in.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_Barrel_Polecats)"
> 
> This takes place shortly before or after _The Alternative World_.

Miz and Fujisawa had invited Afura and Shayla to their home for a private dinner party.

Miz caught Fujisawa emptying a small bottle into the punch bowl. "Darling!" she said. "Don't do that!... I, um, already spiked the punch myself."

Afura walked up. "Have you tried the punch since I added some 'Muldoon moonshine'?"

Miz gulped. "You spiked the punch too!?"

Fujisawa held up the punch bowl ladle. It melted and fell apart.

Afura whistled. "Who would be foolish enough to drink that?"

All three of them turned, and called across the room, in unison. "SHAYLA!! THE PUNCH IS READY!!"


	66. Oh No, Not Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2003; cross-over/humor/parody; 200 words.
> 
> See also [_Oh My Goddess!_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh_My_Goddess!).
> 
> Don't you just hate it when a franchise repeats itself?

Makoto and Ifurita carefully climbed down into a crevasse that had opened beneath the royal palace of Floristica, following a small earthquake. They came into an ancient ruins, with a paved floor and walls, alien symbols carved into the walls, and a small closed chamber set into the far wall.

"Look at this place," Makoto said. "It looks just like—"

The chamber suddenly opened. A pale woman in tattered clothing emerged, staggered forwards, and fell into Makoto's arms. "Oh... Makoto..." she said. "At last... we meet..."

Ifurita crossed her arms and scowled at Makoto. "You got some 'splainin' to do, mister."

"But..." Makoto protested. "But... I didn't... that is, maybe I will, but... I wouldn't... I won't..."

And then, he hung his head and sighed. "Aw, man..."

—

Keiichi sat back from his television with a sigh, and spoke out loud to himself. "I had looked forwards to this third El-Hazard OVA for years. But they're just telling the same story all over again. Don't you just hate it when a franchise repeats itself?"

Belldandy and Peorth were sitting beside him. They glanced at each other, and then they both looked at Keiichi with one eyebrow raised.

Keiichi gulped. "Never mind."


	67. Royal Role-play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2003; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The dashing, intrepid and inconceivably beautiful young princess slowly turned the key-staff, bringing the demon god before her to life. "Eight... Nine... Ten!"

She pulled the key-staff away, and the rather diminuitive demon god opened its eyes and spoke. "I am the demon god... Alielle! Who dares break my seal, and disturb my sleep?"

"I, Fatora of Roshtaria, did this! And I hold your key-staff!"

Alielle bowed her head submissively. "I must obey the mistress of the key-staff. What is your command?"

Fatora grinned maniacally and rubbed her hands in anticipation. "Well, for starters, why don't you take that black cloak off—"

—

"*AHEM*!!"

Fatora turned, and found Ifurita standing behind her and Alielle, at the door of Fatora's private room, wearing her green and blue body suit without her cloak. She had crossed her arms, and she scowled at both Fatora and Alielle after clearing her throat.

Fatora sighed, and glared back at Ifurita, and spoke indignantly. "Do you mind!? We're trying to role-play here!"

Alielle whined, from somewhere deep within Ifurita's cloak. "Oh, shoot. And I was just getting into it."

Ifurita hung her head and sighed. "Fatora, you might have asked to borrow my key-staff and cloak first."


	68. Snow Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This was partly inspired by a topic on an El-Hazard message board asking if Miz could control ice.
> 
> This actually works with either the OVA or the TV series. But it takes place before "The Alternative World" in the OVA series, before Miz gave up her lamp of water.

Fujisawa sat at the window of a small mountain cabin, watching snow fall.

He gasped when he saw a tall pale woman, standing outside, controlling the falling snow, channeling it into beautiful patterns.

_It's the snow maiden_ , he thought. _The ghost of Japanese legend who enchants men with her beauty, and spirits them away, never to be seen again._

Then the woman saw him at the window, smiled sweetly and waved.

—

Miz came back in. "I haven't had that much fun playing in snow since I was a girl."

Then she frowned. "Darling? Why are you hiding under the bed?"


	69. Young Mizuhara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> See also [_Young Frankenstein_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_Frankenstein). (I'll take the one in the toiban.)
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami came to the entrance of the large open work room that Makoto now shared with Schtalubaugh, carrying a lunch basket.

"Makoto, I have—" She paused, looking for Makoto.

"What IS it?" Makoto shouted, from somewhere above her.

Nanami looked around again. "Makoto? Where are you?"

A small platform suspended on chains slowly came down from the high ceiling of the work room. Makoto and Ifurita were lying on the platform, sharing a bedsheet, and wearing nothing else.

Makoto glared at Nanami as she came to their side. "I thought I told you never to interrupt me while I'm WORKING!!"


	70. Fruits Hazard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written July 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> See also [_Fruits Basket_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fruits_Basket).
> 
> Just another obvious joke to get out of the way. This is an out-take from episode 1 of the first OVA series.

"Oh, Makoto," said Ifurita. "I've waited so long for you... We meet at last..."

She staggered towards him, and, before he could stop her, she fell on him and embraced him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder.

Makoto suddenly disappeared in a puff of colorful smoke.

Ifurita staggered back, and looked from side to side. "Makoto? What happened? Where are you?"

Then she looked down, and saw a small rat, standing in the middle of a pile of Makoto's clothing.

The rat sighed, and spoke. "I don't know who you are... but now you've discovered the Mizuhara family curse..."


	71. The Joke's On You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written July 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> You think you know someone...
> 
> This was inspired by a silly topic on an El-Hazard message board.

Shayla, Afura and Kauru were enjoying a quiet breakfast at the Shinonome Diner. Nanami stood at their table and chatted with them, after she had brought the bill to their table.

"Oh," said Kauru, as she reached into her robes. "It's my turn to pay, isn't it—"

Suddenly, a blackjack, brass knuckles and a switch-blade fell out of Kauru's loose sleeve.

"Eep!" said Nanami and Afura.

Shayla grinned. "Why are you surprised, Afura? This practical joke was your idea. Remember?"

"*I* didn't plant those things on her!" Afura said. "Did you?"

Shayla turned back to Kauru, and gulped. "Oh boy."


	72. Not In The Face, Not In The Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written July 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 2 of the first El-Hazard OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild gross-out humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The Princess Rune Venus gave the command sternly. "Ura!"

Ura jumped at Makoto. But Makoto staggered back and crouched, as if to protect himself, and Ura wrapped itself around his head instead of his chest.

Makoto fell to the floor, making pathetic muffled noises and scrabbling desperately at the body armor cat suffocating him.

Ura quickly fell away. "Ura sorry! Ura out of practice!"

Fujisawa came to Makoto's side. "You alright, kid?"

Makoto coughed and gasped as he got his breath back. "Yeah... but I don't want to think about which part of that cat was just over my mouth."


	73. Shadowboxer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written July 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 4 of the first OVA series.

"How cute!" Nanami exclaimed. "It's a little Phantom Tribe boy!"

Shayla scowled. "Nanami, there's nothing cute about a worm!"

Nahato smirked. "Worm? Tsk. Shayla."

Shayla's gems flared. "Good. If you know my name— eh?"

Nahato suddenly recoiled in sheer terror, and ran away screaming.

Shayla turned, and saw Makoto holding his hands in front of her flames. She smiled. "Oh, I get it."

Makoto grinned. "I thought a master of shadowy illusions would be frightened by a shadow puppet dragon."

He moved his hands. "While we're at it... Here's my swan."

Nanami and Fujisawa ooh'ed and aah'ed, then softly applauded.


	74. Temple Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written July 2003; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> Just an excuse to quote an old "Saturday Night Live" skit.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.

Afura had invited Makoto and Ifurita to the Muldoon temple, as a priestess, for some marriage counseling.

Afura folded her hands. "Why don't you two tell me all about your relationship?"

Makoto smiled as he squeezed Ifurita's hand. "What can I say? She's my soul-mate."

Afura smirked a sideways smirk. "Well, isn't that special?"

Makoto frowned. "I don't think I care for your tone, Afura."

"I only want what's best for you, Makoto," said Afura. "We're talking about a demon god, after all. Why, you might as well have a relationship with... Oh, I don't know... Could it be... SATAN!?"


	75. Unsubscribed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written July 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto and Ifurita re-appeared in the Floristica palace, after a brief visit to Japan. Nanami, Fujisawa, Fatora and Alielle waited for them.

"Did you get our magazines?" Nanami asked.

"Yup," Makoto said. "That's my 'Ancient Technology Journal'... and Ifurita's 'Eternal Angst Digest'..."

He handed some magazines to the others. "Nanami's 'Box Lunch Entrepeneur'... Fujisawa's 'Mountaineer's Sake Aficionado'... Oh, and Fatora's 'Cunning Plans For Royal Lesbian Perverts'."

As Fatora and Alielle eagerly read their magazine, Nanami sighed. "They have a magazine for everyone, don't they?"

Fatora grinned malevolently. "This month's feature article is 'How To Seduce Restaurateurs, In Twenty-Seven Easy Steps'."


	76. Let's Roll Another One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-May-2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[three things](http://anime100.livejournal.com/46339.html)" prompt.
> 
> "Let's Roll Another One" was the original title of "Candy And A Currant Bun," the B-side of Pink Floyd's first single "[Arnold Layne](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnold_Layne)." But you all knew that, right?
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series. Specifically, it follows a certain scene in the seventh episode.
> 
> This contains controlled-substance humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fujisawa sat in the yard behind the house he shared with Miz, not enjoying the peace and quiet.

He looked at an empty and cracked whiskey bottle and a mound of cigarette butts. _No alcohol_ , he thought, _and no cigarettes. I'll lose my mind if I can't—_

Then he noticed a leafy weed in the dry grass. _That kinda looks like tobacco_ , he thought.

—

Miz found Fujisawa in her kitchen, with the "munchies," and with his hand in the cookie jar. He looked back at her with guilty blood-shot eyes.

She sighed. "Oh, dah-ling! Have you been smoking weeds again?"


	77. Mirror Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written May 2004; humor; 100 words.

Fatora stood in front of a cabinet mirror within one of her many bathrooms. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall," she asked, "who's the fairest of them all?"

The mirror replied, in a strangely familiar voice. "'Tis Milady Fatora. Her beauty has no equal."

Fatora grinned at her reflection. "Yeah... I am Teh Hawt."

As Fatora admired herself, the cabinet spoke again. "Um, Lady Fatora? Could you please let me out now? My legs are cramping, and I think I'm running out of air..."

Fatora sighed. "In a minute, Alielle! I'm still admiring myself."

"Oh," Alielle said, a bit weakly. "'Kay."


	78. The One Lamp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written May 2004; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> Never trust nasty priestesses.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of _The Alternative World_.

Kauru was visiting with Miz and Fujisawa, at the Fujisawas' home.

Miz stared at the great lamp of water on Kauru's finger. "Um, Kauru? Could I hold the lamp again? Just for a moment?"

Kauru hesitantly offered the lamp to her. "You know that we're not supposed to—"

Miz grinned maniacally, and snatched the lamp. "My Precious! It wasn't fair how tricksy little priestesses stole my Precious! We wants it! We wants it always! Never trust nasty priestesses!"

Fujisawa sighed. "Miz hasn't acted like this since the baby was born, when the doctor made her take off her wedding ring."


	79. The Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written May 2004; humor; 200 words.
> 
> See also "[The Thing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thing_%28song%29)" by Phil Harris.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

A troubled Makoto came into the Shinonome Diner, followed by Ifurita. Fujisawa, Miz, and the three priestesses were also in the restaurant.

Makoto sat at a table, set a mysterious object on it, and stared at it warily.

The others crowded round his table. "What's that?" Nanami asked.

"You tell me," Makoto said. "Ifurita found it in the palace this morning. Its function is so obscure that it's defeated my ability. And Dr. Schtalubaugh couldn't find it in any of his books."

"Truly, I have seen nothing like it in ten thousand years," Ifurita said.

"Well, it's not a kitchen utensil," Nanami said. "Sensei?"

"Sorry, kids," Fujisawa said. "It's not mountain climbing equipment."

The others examined the artifact, but they didn't recognize it either.

And then, Fatora and Alielle came into the restaurant. As they walked up to Makoto's table, Fatora's face lit up. "Oh!" Fatora said. "There it is!"

Everyone turned to her. "You mean, this thing is yours!?" Makoto asked.

"Yup." Fatora grabbed the object, and held it between herself and Alielle. "Me an' Alielle use this when we—"

Everybody else clapped their hands to their ears and shouted in unison. "LA LA LA WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!!"


	80. Sad Sack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Jun-2004; cross-over/humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[kidnapped!](http://anime100.livejournal.com/48839.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 18 of the "Wanderers" TV series ("Operation: Abduction!").

"This is special, just for you, Princess!" said Ifurita. She lit her cache of fireworks.

"You stupid girl!" Jinnai yelled. "I can't see anything! Where did she go?" He grabbed a woman that vaguely looked like Rune, and made his escape.

—

As Jinnai gave Makoto a noogie in the tower belfry, Jinnai's bag popped open— and the older OVA-Rune Venus popped out.

"Wait a second!" Jinnai yelled. "It's... who the heck is it?"

OVA-Rune began to angst, as if she was standing at her balcony. "Alas! What a cruel fate, to be used as the punch-line in a weak challenge-drabble!"


	81. Am I Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Another lame joke that followed the "To Die For" drabble. Hey, it's been a few minutes since my last Ifurita-angst joke.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

"Miss Ifurita?" asked Kauru timidly. "May I ask you a question?"

Ifurita smiled sadly. "If you have come to me seeking knowledge, dear Kauru, I fear that I cannot help you. Even after thousands of years of suffering, I have no answers for man's inhumanity to man, or the horrible emptiness and utter futility of our lives, or..." She suddenly cut herself off, with a puzzled expression.

An openly weeping Kauru had fallen into a fetal position. "Um, actually, I wanted to ask if I could borrow some of your blue hair dye. But I don't think I'll bother, now..."


	82. Afura's Gaffe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2004; humor; 100 words.

Shayla found Miz and Afura chatting in a Muldoon temple room, and laughing about something Shayla had missed.

"Whassup?" Shayla asked.

Miz explained. "Afura just took some refresher courses at the seminary, and she made a stupid mistake during her strategic battle exercises. But she's mature enough to laugh about her mistakes—"

Shayla brightened. "Oh, I get it. So, Afura hacked a tactical gaffe, but laughs daffily after the fact?"

Miz and Afura stared blankly at Shayla, in sheer astonishment. "Say that again," Afura demanded.

Shayla frowned. "Uh... Gafura tacked a graphic half, but lacks draft after the— aw, nuts!!"


	83. Better Than Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The Princess Rune Venus was reviewing the palace domestic budget with Londs.

She examined one page of a long written report. "What are these figures?"

"Miscellaneous expenses," Londs said. "There were some unusual expenses, this month."

"Mmm..." Rune traced down the page with her finger, reading it aloud. "Three hundred clothespins... a fifty-gallon barrel of chocolate syrup... eighty boxes of waxed dental floss... and a glockenspiel."

Londs sighed. "Fatora and Alielle, yes?"

Rune smiled slyly, and raised a guilty hand. "Um, actually, the chocolate was mine. I met a nice young handsome Alliance prince, and... Londs? Your nose is bleeding."


	84. I'm Going Slightly Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Makoto's shared memories weren't enough.
> 
> This takes place before the end of the first OVA series, but after the second OVA series and "The Alternate World."

Makoto came into the Shinonome Diner, with a worried expression.

Nanami served him a cup of tea. "What's wrong, Makoto-chan?"

"I haven't learned how to rescue Ifurita yet," Makoto said, "but I've learned how to use my ability remotely. I was able to, uh, talk with her, just now."

"That's wonderful!" Nanami said. "What did she say?"

"Uh... 'nine thousand nine hundred years of sensory deprivation left ha ha so dark so cold so alone ha ha please kill me now'."

Nanami gulped. "Oh dear. Sounds like she'll need more than a hot cup of tea and a sympathetic ear."


	85. Nekokaburi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2004; humor; 200 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

As Makoto and Ifurita watched, Fatora formally addressed Nanami. "In honor of your service to Roshtaria, I'd like to present you with this armor cat."

Nanami rolled her eyes and sighed. "Oh, come on! This isn't an armor cat! It's Alielle in a cat-girl costume!!"

Makoto could barely keep from laughing. "Aw, c'mon, Nanami. She's so cute!"

The "armor-cat" Alielle happily "wrapped" itself around Nanami. "Nyah!" it meowed.

With a desperate look on her face, Nanami turned to Ifurita. "Uh, a little help, here?"

A mischievous look came to Ifurita's face. She aimed her key-staff at Nanami (and Alielle).

Nanami (and Alielle) gasped. "IFURITA!!"

Ifurita winked. "No, no. I propose a test of this... strange creature. Perhaps a harmless and painless 'taser' blast that would merely paralyze an impostor for a few hours?"

"Oh. OK." A grinning Nanami held her arms out to both sides and braced herself. "In that case, go right ahead."

Fatora smiled a disturbing smile as well. "A paralyzed and helpless Alielle? Could be fun... Er, I mean, be my guest, Ifurita."

As Ifurita's key-staff built up an incapacitating charge, Alielle clung to Nanami and whimpered to herself. "They're not paying me enough for this job."


	86. This Is Just Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2004; humor; 100 words.

Alielle was recovering from a particularly nasty bug. Her fever had broken, but she was still exhausted and very weak. She was no longer contagious, and her friends had begun to visit her.

Shayla knocked on the door, and came into Alielle's room. "Hiya, kiddo. How ya doin'?"

Alielle smiled hazily. "Oh. Sister Shayla. Give me a minute, please..."

She dragged herself out of bed, took a few faltering steps up to Shayla, fell heavily against the fire priestess, and weakly held her arms around Shayla's waist.

_The poor kid_ , Shayla thought. _That's the most pathetic glomping I've ever had._


	87. To Die For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Ifurita was busy with some errands within the Floristica palace. She had left Makoto alone in his room, earlier that day.

Suddenly, Ifurita's super-human hearing picked up Makoto's nervous voice. "I'm gonna die!!" he shouted.

And then, Ifurita heard Shayla. "Get ready to die!!"

Ifurita gasped, dropped what she was doing, and literally flew for Makoto's room.

She threw the door open— and found Makoto standing over a basin of colored water, surrounded by the three Muldoon priestesses.

"Oops," Makoto said. "We were going to surprise you, Ifurita. The priestesses thought I should dye my hair blue, to match you."


	88. That's What I Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Aug-2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[mind control](http://anime100.livejournal.com/52801.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 1 of _The Alternative World_.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami noticed a locked box in Makoto's workshop. "What's that, Makoto?"

"There's an ancient relic in that box," Makoto said, "that can control minds."

Nanami gasped. "Mind control!? That's incredible!"

"That's what *I* thought," Makoto said. "But Fatora stole it, and I had to lock it away after I recovered it."

Nanami gasped again. "Fatora!? That's terrible!"

"That's what *I* thought. But, as it turned out, Fatora only used it on Alielle."

Nanami raised an eyebrow. "But isn't Alielle already her willing slave, more or less? Fatora using mind control on Alielle is... pointless."

Makoto sighed. "That's what *I* thought."


	89. Boxing Fatora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written August 2004; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> See also [_Boxing Helena_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxing_Helena).
> 
> This contains creepy humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fatora awoke, and found herself in a hospital bed, with a tearful Alielle at her side. "What happened?" Fatora asked.

"Oh, Lady Fatora! I'm so sorry!" Alielle sobbed. "Your latest Cunning Plan went horribly wrong... and the palace surgeons had to amputate your arms and your legs. But don't worry— I shall never leave your side."

Fatora frowned. "So... I'm condemned to spend the rest of my life lazing around, while you wait on me, uh, hand and foot?"

"Yes," Alielle sniffed.

Fatora grinned. "Call me a wild-eyed optimist, but I don't see much of a change to my lifestyle."


	90. The Cask Of Fujisawa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written August 2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> See also "The Cask Of Admontillado" by Edgar Allen Poe.
> 
> This contains creepy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura and Shayla were chatting with Miz. "Where's Mr. Fujisawa?" asked Afura.

"Oh, he was drinking again, last night," Miz said nonchalantly. "So I chained him in the basement, and then I sealed him away, behind a stone wall."

"WHAT!?" Shayla yelled. "You can't just—"

The three women suddenly heard a stone-shattering explosion.

"It's my new way to sober him up," Miz explained. "As soon as he's sober, he gets his super-strength back, and then he can escape."

Afura sighed. "You two have a strange relationship."

Miz smiled slyly. "Sometimes, he chains me up, and—"

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!" Shayla yelled.


	91. Strip Pettan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written August 2004; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> This contains weird adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami found Makoto and Shayla playing cards. "Whatcha doing?" Nanami asked, as Shayla pulled off a boot.

"We're playin' 'Strip Pettan'," Shayla said.

"Sorry, Nanami," said Makoto. "She made me do it."

"What!? You're not getting away with that!" Nanami sat down. "Deal me in, Shayla."

"Fine!" Shayla said. "But if you lose, Makoto and I are gonna pour your stupid soy-sauce all over your nekkid body!"

"Fine!" Nanami said. "But if you lose, Makoto and I get to roll you up in a carpet, and watch you struggle home nekkid!"

_Wow_ , Makoto thought. _I don't think *I* can lose._


	92. Pieces Of Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Sep-2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[falling apart](http://anime100.livejournal.com/56636.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

A half-angry, half-embarrassed Shayla stormed into the Muldoon seminary. She was holding up her skimpy fire priestess uniform with both hands.

She met up with Afura. "What happened to your clothes?" Afura asked.

"They completely fell apart at the seams!" Shayla said.

"How could that have happened?" Afura wondered out loud. "After all, it's a heavy-duty combat uniform..."

And then, Kauru walked up, dragging Alielle along by her collar, and holding a razor-blade in her other hand. "Miss Afura, you won't believe what I just found Alielle doing, to the seams of my uniform!"

Afura sighed. "Actually, yes, I would."


	93. Rehabilitate The One That You Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Sep-2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[repentance](http://anime100.livejournal.com/58867.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also _The Young Ones_.
> 
> I'm afraid that the title is better than the drabble itself.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 1 of the second OVA.

Jinnai and Kalia had found the others in Yuba Yuurius' oasis, and Jinnai had convinced Fujisawa that he had repented.

"Isn't it great?" Fujisawa said. "Nanami, aren't you excited about Jinnai joining our group again?"

Fujisawa turned to his wayward student. "And we'll begin his rehabilitation right now! Twenty pushups, Jinnai!"

"WHAT!?" said Jinnai. "But— you're not my gym teacher!!"

"I'm filling in for all of your teachers now," Fujisawa said proudly. "And after your gym class, you can write an essay on crop rotation in the fourteenth century."

Jinnai whimpered. "Can't I do some research on Ultimate Weapons instead?"


	94. Cute As A Bug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Oct-2004; cross-over/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[phobias](http://anime100.livejournal.com/61384.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Oh My Goddess!_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh_My_Goddess!).
> 
> Yet another cross-over that I should have written out before now.

Kauru sat down to tea. But she suddenly felt something brush against her ankles.

She looked down— and saw a Yggdrasil bug.

Kauru screamed in sheer terror, and passed out.

—

"Miss? Are you alright?"

Kauru slowly awoke, and found Skuld standing over her. "Yes..." Kauru said. "Thank you. But that monster—"

Skuld gave her an I-did-it sign. "Gone. I'm the goddess in charge of debugging Yggdrasil. I just teleported through your hot tea and—"

Kauru interrupted her. "You're— a goddess? And you appeared— out of my tea?"

"Yup!" Skuld said proudly.

Kauru screamed in sheer terror, and passed out again.


	95. Forgotten Realm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written October 2004; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Doing my part to spread a new Intarweb catch-phrase that arose from the first 2004 US Presidential debate.

The Princesses Rune Venus and Fatora addressed a conference of leaders in the Floristica royal hall. "Ladies and gentlemen," Rune said, "welcome to the Alliance summit meeting.

"I'd like to recognize representatives of our own Roshtaria; and of the river-port of Gannan, and the fortress of Balta Hill; and Doros, Geynos, Laide and Baron...

"And the three Muldoon priestesses... and representatives from the Barage Market...

"And... um... er... uh..." Rune frowned. She rubbed her chin with one hand, and then tapped a finger against her pursed lips. A long uncomfortable silence fell over the hall.

Fatora sighed. "You forgot Poland."


	96. Fire It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Feb-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[fading, flame, fizzle](http://anime100.livejournal.com/71320.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 2 of the first OVA.

Shayla stood on a Muldoon cliff, high above Makoto, his friends, and Jinnai and the Bugrom. "I've been itching for a good fight all day!!" she shouted.

She unsheathed her great lamp of fire, mounted it on her right arm, and pulled on its ripcord with her left hand. Flames burned— but then, they faded and fizzled out.

Shayla frowned. "Hang on a minute." She yanked the ripcord again, but her lamp failed to ignite.

Makoto, Fujisawa and Alielle nervously glanced at each other.

Shayla kept yanking. "I've gotta get an electric starter for this thing," she said to herself.


	97. Ventilated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Feb-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[falling](http://anime100.livejournal.com/72861.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from the last episode of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto, Ifurita, Afura and the others stood at the edge of a dark hole set in the Eye of God.

"If I'm not mistaken," Afura said, "This air vent travels to the center of the Eye of God. But it's too late..."

"There's no other option!" Makoto said. "I must go!"

"There is another choice," Ifurita said. "I will go."

Ifurita let herself fall backward into the vent. A moment later, a dull thud echoed up from the vent.

A dazed Ifurita climbed back out of the vent. "Afura? You ARE mistaken. This vent is only a few meters deep."


	98. You Can't Touch This (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Go Go Ifurita Head.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.

"Ifurita?" asked Makoto. "I've never seen you without that choker with the two red jewels. Does it, uh, 'do' anything?"

Ifurita sighed. "You will learn this, sooner or later... please push the top jewel."

Makoto reached out, and pushed the top jewel. It clicked down, like a switch. Ifurita's head suddenly flew up on a long heavy spring, like a jack-in-the-box toy.

Makoto jumped back. "WHOAH!! What the—"

Ifurita reached up, held her swaying head with both hands, and pulled it back into place. "If you think that is ridiculous, just wait until you see what the other jewel does."


	99. You Can't Touch This (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> That's just cold.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.

Makoto walked up to the open kitchen door of the Shinonome Diner. "Nanami? Have you seen Ifurita's key-staff? She left it leaning against the doorway..."

Nanami handed the key-staff to him. "Here you go. I didn't want it to be stolen."

"Thanks." Makoto took the key-staff. "Do you mind if I recharge Ifurita here?"

Nanami smiled sweetly. "Not at all."

A minute later, Nanami heard Ifurita's surprised shriek, and she giggled to herself.

Makoto leaned in again. "Nanami? There was an ice cube wedged in the tip of the key-staff."

"Gosh," Nanami said. "I wonder who could have done that?"


	100. You Can't Touch This (part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> My 100th El-Hazard drabble. And what a fine, fine drabble it is...
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto held Ifurita's hand. "Ifurita?... It's so strange, how we can communicate through the slightest touch..."

Ifurita clasped his hand in both of her hands. "Dearest Makoto. This is the gift that we share."

Makoto activated his ability. [Can you hear me now?] he "asked."

(Yes, Makoto), "said" Ifurita.

[Good.] He held his hand to her cheek. [Can you hear me now?]

(Yes.)

[Good.] On an out-of-character impulse, Makoto gently held two things that he had never held before. [Can you hear me now?]

Ifurita smiled slyly, and "said" some things she had never said before.

Makoto gulped. [Oh... good...]


	101. Fatora's Fiat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Mar-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[fiat](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/54180.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains creepy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Shayla walked into the Shinonome Diner, wearing two tiny strips of cloth that would barely pass for a bikini on Earth.

"Um, Shayla?" said Nanami. "This restaurant has a dress code."

"It's illegal for me to wear clothes," Shayla said.

Nanami blinked. "Huh?"

"Princess Fatora ordered it," Shayla said. "Princess Rune will eventually overrule her. But until then, Fatora's fiat has the force of law."

"Gosh," Nanami said. "I'm sorry, Shayla."

"By the way," Shayla said, "You, me, Afura an' Kauru are now required by federal law to have daily tag-team tickle-fights."

Nanami sighed. "I hate living in a monarchy."


	102. History Will Not Be Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Mar-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[fatuity](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/55816.html)" prompt.
> 
> The working title was "Fatora's Fatuity," of course.
> 
> This contains creepy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fatora and Alielle were strolling through the royal gardens.

"Lady Fatora?" asked Alielle. "Do you ever think about doing more with your life?"

"No," Fatora said.

"But what of your legacy?" Alielle asked. "I'll always admire you and everything you do. But what of the historians who will write of your wasteful sloth and perverse fatuity?"

"Don't worry, Alielle," said Fatora. "I keep my personal scribe on a short leash— literally."

Fatora's leashed scribe crawled behind them on her hands and knees. The poor girl knew that a biographer could become a slave to her subject... but this was ridiculous.


	103. Air In The Pipes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> See also _Ace Ventura, Pet Detective_.
> 
> This contains mild slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura and Kauru were examining some ancient plumbing within the Muldoon temple.

Kauru held her water lamp against one pipe. "There's a clog at the far end of this water pipe."

"I'll create a vacuum in the pipe to dislodge it," Afura said. She triggered her wind lamp. They heard the distant sound of water spraying under pressure— and a surprised shriek.

A stunned and drenched Shayla staggered up, her clothing soaked and in tatters. "Do NOT go IN THERE!!" she said. "WHOO!!"

Kauru frowned. "Miss Afura? You said that Miss Shayla wasn't using the bathroom."

Afura grinned. "I lied."


	104. Cities In Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For a self-imposed "specificity" prompt. The WordThink.com "Word Of The Day" for 24 March 2005 was "specificity."
> 
> See also "[Cities In Dust](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cities_in_Dust)" by [Siouxsie And The Banshees](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siouxsie_and_the_Banshees).

Jinnai and TV-Ifurita stood in the middle of a vast expanse of utterly featureless desert wasteland.

Jinnai sighed. "You said that there was an ancient city here, and that it had an Ultimate Weapon."

"Yes, Master," said Ifurita. "I haven't been here for thousands of years, but I'm sure it was around here somewhere..."

"Not much for specificity, are you?"

"No, Master. We're looking for the capital city of the kingdom of Ludark. I've never heard of Specifi City."

Jinnai groaned. "After thousands of years of tectonic shift, we'll be lucky to find the right continent, let alone a city."


	105. The Color Purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 200 words.
> 
> Inspired by a scene from the abandoned _Hana Ni Arashi_ project.

Fatora walked into the room she shared with Alielle. "Whatcha doin', Alielle?" asked Fatora.

Alielle sat in front of a mirror, and held a pot and a fine brush. "I'm repainting the sigil on my forehead with this permanent dye. Please don't disturb me, Lady Fatora, because this doesn't wash off—"

Fatora suddenly sneezed. "ATCHOO!!"

Alielle slowly turned. Startled by Fatora's sneeze, she had just painted a jagged streak across her forehead.

Fatora sniffled. "Oops. Sorry 'bout that."

"Oh, that's OK," Alielle said. "But your nose is running..." She reached up and painted a mustache on Fatora's lip.

Fatora blinked. And then, she grabbed the dye pot and brush. "Of course, you realize, this means war."

Alielle produced a second pot and brush. "Bring it on."

—

Makoto and the Princess Rune Venus were walking through a palace hallway, discussing Makoto and Schtalubaugh's research.

Fatora and Alielle walked past them, laughing and joking with each other. Both Fatora and Alielle were painted solid purple, from head to toe.

Rune and Makoto silently watched them walk away.

Makoto bit his lip. "Uh, Milady?..."

Rune sighed. "Either they've had another permanent dye fight... or else they've been drinking far too much grape juice."


	106. Dryer Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 1 of _The Alternative World_.
> 
> This contains nudity and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

As Makoto tended a bonfire near the river, Kauru regained consciousness. She realized that she wore only a blanket.

"You're awake!" Makoto said. "Um, your garments were soaked."

"Oh," Kauru said. "Thank you for drying them... but they're hanging too close to the fire."

Makoto saw that Kauru's clothes were burning. "Oh no!!" He lunged to save them— and his own clothes caught fire. Kauru threw her blanket aside, and tore Makoto's burning clothes off.

And then, Kauru's blanket caught fire. Makoto and Kauru were completely naked and without clothing.

Makoto sighed. "They won't believe this back at the palace."


	107. Jumpy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Recycling one of my own favorite jokes from a round-robin story.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

The Princess Rune Venus stood at her balcony, looking across the last kingdom free from Bugrom, with infinite sadness.

Her profound despair nearly drove her mad. She looked down, to the ground far below her. _Better I should die now_ , she thought, _than live to see_ —

"(ahem) Milady?"

"YEEEK!!" Rune jumped in surprise, lost her balance, and toppled over the railing.

—

Londs grabbed Rune by an ankle, just in time, and pulled her back onto the balcony. "A thousand apologies, Milady," he said.

Rune glared at him. "Would you please shuffle your feet, or whistle, or something, from now on!?"


	108. Finger Lickin' Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Apr-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[She licked her fingers slowly...](http://anime100.livejournal.com/80535.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

She licked her fingers slowly... thoroughly... sensually.

She pulled her small tongue over each finger. She pushed her face between her spread fingers, and teased every bit of food from her soft warm skin. She gently sucked at her fingertips. She carefully blew her fingers dry, with her hot sweet breath.

And then, Alielle let go of Fatora's hand.

Fatora gulped. "Alielle? Thanks... Although, you could have just passed me a napkin..."

"Didn't you like it?" Alielle asked.

Instead of answering Alielle directly, Fatora pushed her fingers into her food, and held her hand out to Alielle. "Do it again."


	109. Unredoubtable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Apr-2005; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[extant, redoubt](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/62384.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Monty Python's Flying Circus_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python%27s_Flying_Circus).
> 
> This takes place shortly after _The Alternative World_.

Afura was showing Kauru around the Muldoon temple grounds.

Kauru pointed at an ancient stone-reinforced earth-work. "Was that redoubt part of an earlier building?"

Afura nodded. "It's the only section of the older temple still extant. It was left to help defend the newer temple's entrance from attack."

Shayla suddenly popped up from behind the earth-work. "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!"

Afura sighed. "Shayla also uses it to hurl insults at unwanted temple visitors."

Shayla pulled at one eyelid and stuck out her tongue. "Go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"


	110. On The Easy-Bake Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written May 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For a private prompt from [**geoduck**](http://geoduck.livejournal.com/): "Nanami and Makoto, the early years" prompt.

A grade-school-aged Makoto and Nanami were having a tea party. Although the other "guests" at the party were some of Nanami's stuffed animals, she served real tea and cookies for Makoto and herself.

Makoto had already learned good table manners. " _go-chisou-sama deshita_. Thanks, Nanami."

Nanami smiled cheerfully— and handed Makoto a bill written in red crayon.

Makoto sweat-dropped. "You're charging me!?"

Nanami giggled. "I have to pay for the 100-watt light bulb in my Easy-Bake Oven somehow."

Makoto sighed. "Maybe you should run your own restaurant when you grow up."

A distant and deeply disturbing smile came to Nanami's face.


	111. Can't Buy Me Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Jul-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[acumen](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/69795.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild tasteless adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"What do you want, Fatora?" asked Nanami. "As if I didn't know."

"I've realized that I've been going at this all wrong," Fatora said. "I have to appeal to your legendary business acumen..."

She held up a handful of roshtals. "So, how much do you want?"

"Are you trying to BUY me!?" a suddenly-furious Nanami yelled.

"No," Fatora said. "I was thinking of it as state-sanctioned solicitation— AAUGH!!"

—

"...and that's what happened," Alielle said.

"Is Fatora alright?" Rune Venus asked.

"Yes," Alielle said. "Nanami did bad things with the roshtals that Fatora offered her... but Fatora has a good proctologist."


	112. Ticklish Subject

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Jul-2005; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[impolitic](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/71123.html)" prompt.
> 
> This probably takes place after the end of the TV series.

The Princess Rune Venus nervously studied her notes for a speech, as Makoto rubbed her shoulders.

"Please relax, Princess," said Makoto. "It's only a speech."

"It's never easy," Rune said. "I always worry about getting my facts wrong, or saying something impolitic..."

Makoto moved his hands to her bare midriff. "*I* know how to take your mind off the speech!"

Rune gasped. "Makoto, you wouldn't!!— YEEEK!! Hee hee!!"

Someone suddenly cleared his throat loudly. Makoto and Rune froze, and sweat-dropped.

Londs stood at the open doorway. "Milady, when you give your speech, you should also avoid uncontrollable fits of giggling."


	113. Birth Of A Legend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Jul-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[ersatz, regale](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/74209.html)" prompt. Also recycling one of my own favorite jokes from a round-robin story.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains weird adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami was chatting with Ifurita at the Shinonome Diner.

"Ifurita?" asked Nanami. "You and Makoto share your memories... but you should regale me with embarrassing stories of your youth. You weren't always an ultimate weapon, were you?"

"Yes, I was," Ifurita said quietly. "I am a bio-mechanical construct. I was created in a laboratory, fully-grown."

Nanami blinked. "Oh. I'm sorry, Ifurita."

Ifurita mused. "Although, I had an ersatz 'birth', of sorts. My earliest memory is of slowly emerging from a birth-vat, naked and completely drenched in sticky semi-transparent goo."

Nanami giggled. "I'll bet that's one of Makoto's favorite shared memories."


	114. Shut Up And Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Aug-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[waylay](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/75801.html)" prompt.
> 
> If you don't know El-Hazard— Kauru sank her cruiser in her very first scene.

A completely drenched Kauru straggled into the Muldoon temple. Afura and Shayla ran to her aid.

"What happened, Kauru?" asked Afura. "Did the Bugrom waylay you again?"

"No," said Kauru.

"Did your cruiser run out of power, or break down, or something?" Shayla asked.

"No..." Kauru held up a small device. "Mr. Makoto tried to contact me, using this 'cellular phone' device from Earth that he gave me. I tried to answer without stopping, and the next thing I knew, my cruiser was down in the river."

Shayla eyed the phone warily. "That thing is more dangerous than our lamps."


	115. Come To The Dark Side, We Have Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Aug-2005; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[parley](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/77269.html)" prompt.

Jinnai, Deva and TV-Ifurita were having another 'family meeting' over tea and cookies.

"By the way, where did these cookies come from?" Jinnai asked.

Ifurita smiled cheerfully. "Oh, your sister made them. She said that, if I promised not to attack her restaurant, she would make cookies for me every week—"

"WHAT!?" said Jinnai. "You had a parley with the enemy just for cookies!?"

Ifurita's eyes went all sad and shiny. "But— they're really good cookies—"

"That's NOT THE POINT!!" Jinnai yelled.

Deva impatiently stuffed a cookie into Jinnai's open mouth.

Jinnai cut himself off. "These ARE really good cookies."


	116. Getting The Massage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Sep-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[unctuous](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/79837.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after _The Alternative World_.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Alielle?" asked Parnasse. "Why are you still so unctuous with Princess Fatora? You're her servant, but you two are a couple."

"It pays to get on Fatora's good side," Alielle said. "She let me give her a massage last night!"

"Sounds like extra work," Parnasse said.

"Pouring oil on Fatora's body and groping it isn't exactly work, you dope."

Parnasse suddenly had an idea.

—

"Miss Kauru?" asked Parnasse. "My sister Alielle is teaching me therapeutic massage. Would you like a massage?"

The beautiful and innocent Kauru smiled. "That would be lovely, Parnasse! You're such a thoughtful servant."

_EX-cellent_ , thought Parnasse.


	117. Carpe Diadem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Nov-2005; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[diadem, laudable](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/89654.html)" prompt.
> 
> Here's a [picture of Rune Venus' diadem](http://www.eu.animanga.com/cels/ForumImg/100181395129623100.jpg).
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The Princess Rune Venus caught Makoto staring at her head. "Does my Roshtarian diadem interest you?" she asked. "It is an ancient artifact. What do you think of it?"

"Honestly?" asked Makoto. "With those things sticking out behind your ears? No offense, but it's a bit silly."

Rune smiled slyly. "Your candor is laudable." She took off the crown, set it aside, and tossed her long golden hair, in a lovely and provocative way.

And then, she suddenly began to unfasten her collar. "So... why don't you tell me how silly I look in this blouse, as well?"

Makoto gulped.


	118. I Predict A Riot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Nov-2005; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[riot on an empty street](http://31-days.livejournal.com/306741.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[I Predict A Riot](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Predict_a_Riot)" by [Kaiser Chiefs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaiser_Chiefs).

Alielle found Fatora sobbing pathetically. "Lady Fatora!!" she cried. "What's wrong!?"

"Rune cut my clothing allowance by five percent!" Fatora wailed.

Alielle gasped. "How terrible!... and I'm not just saying that because you buy my clothes too."

Fatora agreed. "My subjects will be devastated if I can't keep up with the latest fashions! Why, there will be anarchy in the streets!"

Alielle blinked.

Fatora cleared her throat. "I SAID, there'll be ANARCHY in the STREETS!!"

"Oh!" Alielle bowed. "Right away!"

—

Nanami lounged in the open doorway of her restaurant, taking a mid-afternoon break.

Alielle ran up the empty street, waving her arms in the air and screaming wordlessly. "AAUGH!! AAUGH!! AAUGH!!"

Nanami sweat-dropped. "Um, Alielle?..."

Alielle explained. "I have to spread anarchy by direct order of Princess Fatora."

Nanami frowned. "Apparently, someone isn't clear on the meaning of 'anarchy'."

"I also have to cause some property damage." Alielle looked for a rock or a brick, but found only a small pebble. The tiny girl threw it at the front of Nanami's restaurant. It harmlessly bounced off the stone wall, causing no damages whatsoever.

Nanami sighed sadly. _Violent social upheaval just ain't what it used to be_ , she thought to herself.


	119. Going Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[this place that was no place](http://31-days.livejournal.com/351076.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Nanami was chatting with Ifurita at the Shinonome Diner again.

"There's something that I've never understood," Nanami asked. "Where exactly were you while you waited ten thousand years for Makoto to find you?"

"I was adrift in a dimensional void," Ifurita said. "I was... nowhere."

"But everything— and everyone— has to be somewhere."

"Not true. I was in a protracted state of quantum indeterminacy. I was empty of inherent existence, but I existed in an undefined state of potentialities..."

Nanami sighed. "Don't try to explain it to me. You're getting nowhere, and I don't want to lead you back there."


	120. A Shell Of Its Old Self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[carapace](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/92822.html)" prompt.

Jinnai found what seemed to be his Bugrom lackey Groucho leaning heavily against a wall.

"You, there!" Jinnai yelled. "Stand at attention when Lord God Jinnai passes!"

The Bugrom didn't answer.

"Impudent idiot!!" Jinnai punched the Bugrom, bruising his hand. "EEYOWTCH!!"

—

Deva and TV-Ifurita walked up, and found a furious Jinnai still shouting at the motionless figure.

Deva sighed. "I wonder if Mr. Jinnai remembers that Bugrom are insects, and that they molt like insects. He's shouting at an empty carapace."

"Maybe he's practicing being all shouty," Ifurita said. "He must practice a lot, since he's so good at it."


	121. Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[disparate](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/101249.html)" prompt.

The three Great Priestesses were eating a meal together.

Afura was gazing at both Kauru and Shayla. "Is something wrong, Miss Afura?" asked Kauru.

Afura smiled. "No, no... but I still can't believe how three women as different as us— with such disparate backgrounds and distinct personalities— happened to become warrior priestesses."

"Goodness," Kauru said. "I've never thought of that, but it's very interesting."

Shayla belched in a not-at-all dainty way, and wiped her mouth with one sleeve. "Why are you always wastin' yer time thinkin' about pointless stuff like that?"

Afura sighed. "I should have seen those responses coming."


	122. A Mountaineer Miz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[yes is a pleasant country](http://31-days.livejournal.com/440911.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fujisawa walked up to Miz, who was working at a kitchen counter. "Miz?" he asked nervously. "Would you consider taking a weekend mountain climbing trip to Mount Talmish with me?"

"Yes," Miz said.

"It has a breathtaking view of the countryside, and—" Fujisawa cut himself off. "Wait— 'yes'? Really?"

"Of course," Miz said. "It's been several weeks since you took me mountain-climbing. I wouldn't deny you your fun, and I like an occasional camping trip too."

"Thanks, Miz! I'll start packing our bed-rolls—"

"We'll only need one bed-roll, dah-ling," Miz said.

Fujisawa frowned. "Uh... really?"

"Oh, yes," Miz said slyly.


	123. Resting And Restive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[salutary](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/103356.html)" prompt.

Afura and Shayla reclined in the hot-springs bath at Arliman.

Shayla sighed happily. "It sure is good to have a day off!"

"Not only can we soak in these salutary mineral waters," Afura said, "but, just for one day, we don't have to risk our lives fighting the Bugrom."

"And we don't have to put up with creepy guys making passes at us," Shayla added.

A long silent moment passed.

"OK," Shayla said, "I'm already bored stupid. Let's go hunt down and wipe out some Bugrom."

"And then," Afura said, "let's find some handsome men and flirt with them shamelessly."


	124. Painted Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Mar-2006; general; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[your body's whitest song](http://31-days.livejournal.com/440911.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains nudity and adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto returned to his private rooms, and found Ifurita sitting on their bed, wearing a loose robe. Her bare left hand and arm were covered in intricate purple designs.

"Wow." Makoto gently examined Ifurita's arm. "Who did this?"

"Alielle," said Ifurita. "It is the same permanent dye that she uses to paint the mark on her own forehead. But I did not know that she had such artistic talent."

"She probably practices on Fatora," said Makoto. "It's lovely, Ifurita. It reminds me of the 'henna tattoos' that we have on Earth. And the purple dye stands out on [your alabaster skin](http://rakhal.com/florestica/newsletter/archive/101.htm)."

"Would you like to try it, Makoto? Alielle gave me some extra dye, and some stencils, that you could use on me."

"Uh... sure," Makoto said. "I suppose we could 'do' your other arm, so that they match." 

Ifurita stood up. "My dearest Makoto. I have more than my arm to offer you." She shrugged off her robe, sat on the bed again, and gave Makoto an inviting smile.

Makoto had shared many intimate moments with Ifurita by now, but her pale beauty still took his breath away. "This mostly-empty canvas is already so beautiful," he said to himself.


	125. Man Around The House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[uxorious](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/105309.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains rather explicit adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fujisawa served drinks to Afura and Shayla as they visited with Miz. Then he left silently.

"Mr. Fujisawa has become quite uxorious," Afura noted.

Shayla agreed. "I hate to see ol' Fujisawa 'house-broken' like that."

Miz smirked. "Don't worry, girls. He does my bidding, during the day— but late at night in our bedroom, he's the MAN, if you know what I mean."

Shayla sweat-dropped. "Way too much information, Miz."

A dreamy look came to Miz' face. "And let me tell you, girls. His 'super-strength' isn't limited just to fighting Bugrom—"

Afura abruptly stood up. "GOODNESS!! Is that the time!?"


	126. Manga Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[accept all happiness from me](http://31-days.livejournal.com/440911.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

"I haven't seen much of Ifurita since your latest Earth trip," Nanami said to Makoto.

"When I gave her my memories," Makoto said, "I apparently gave her my interests too. The things that make me happy now make her happy. Look in the next room, and you'll see what I mean."

OVA-Ifurita sat on the floor, wearing a baggy T-shirt and shorts, with her bare legs crossed to hold a stack of manga in her lap. She was intently reading a manga, with several dozen more manga scattered all around her.

"That's the cutest thing I've ever seen," Nanami whispered.


	127. It Never Rains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[equable](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/109192.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Makoto and Shayla were enjoying another warm and sunny day in Roshtaria.

"The equable climate of El-Hazard is wonderful," Makoto said. "but it makes me homesick. Shinonome would be in its rainy season now..."

"We could ask Kauru to make some rain with the Great Lamp of Water," Shayla said.

Makoto smiled. "No, that's OK."

Shayla smirked. "Or, we could drop a bug down her blouse, and enjoy the storm when she freaks out."

"Er, no," Makoto said, "that's OK, really... where are you going?"

"I think I'll drop a bug down Kauru's blouse anyway," Shayla said.

Makoto sighed sadly.


	128. Jinnai Hatches The Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[gravid](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/111206.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also _[Horton Hatches The Egg](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horton_Hatches_the_Egg)_ by Dr. Seuss.
> 
> This contains a multi-layered inside joke. Reader discretion is advised.

Jinnai's faithful Bugrom lackey "Groucho" found his master sitting on a fresh Bugrom egg.

" _draeb a worg uoy did yhw_?" Groucho asked.

"Er, yes," an embarrassed Jinnai said. "Queen Deva is gravid with Bugrom young, and she asked me to help her with—"

" _pmud a ni evil ew_ ," Groucho said.

Jinnai scowled. "No, Deva did not ask me to hatch this egg, just to abandon us and take a hot-springs bath vacation!"

" _erianoillim degnared eht haey_ ," Groucho said.

"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant!" an indignant Jinnai said. "A Jinnai is faithful, one hundred percent!!"


	129. Remote In God's Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[God made the distance between me and you](http://31-days.livejournal.com/563853.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a gratuitous pun. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura found Makoto standing off by himself, gazing up at the sky of El-Hazard, staring at the ancient super-weapon known as the Eye of God.

She rested a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Makoto?..." she asked softly.

"I'm alright," Makoto said. "I was just thinking of how the Eye of God threw Ifurita through space and time, to meet me on Earth. Sometimes I imagine that the Eye of God is sentient, and that it did that on purpose..."

"You could say that the Eye of God was 'far-sighted'," Afura noted.

Makoto groaned. "I should have 'seen that coming'."


	130. They Know Us At The Spa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[treat him like a lady](http://31-days.livejournal.com/563853.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[They Know Us At The Spa](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:njrvad5ki8v6)" by Johnny Socko.

"Is something wrong, Fatora?" asked Makoto.

"I just came back from the royal spa," Fatora said. "They told me that I had just been there!"

Makoto shrugged. "Since we look alike, and since I'm regularly forced to 'dress up' and stand in for you, I thought I was entitled to some of your perks— URK!!"

A seething Fatora grabbed Makoto by his neck. "LISTEN, YOU!!—" she yelled.

Makoto struggled in Fatora's unexpectedly strong grip. "What!?" he gasped.

Fatora released Makoto's neck and brushed his face. "Your skin is so soft!"

"It's the seaweed wrap," Makoto said earnestly. "It's wonderfully cleansing."


	131. Gut Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[how does it feel when you're inside me?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/563853.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

"Is something wrong, Ifurita?" Nanami asked. "Pardon my saying, but you seem out of sorts."

Makoto answered for her. "Ifurita was curious about my ability to 'link' with the ancient technology of this world— like her. So, we figured out a way to invert the process, so that she could link directly with me. Unfortunately, the experience of linking with a purely organic human being isn't as pleasant as with a demon-god. Not that Ifurita hasn't seen worse, but still."

"I have 'looked' deep within my dearest Makoto," Ifurita said sadly, "and frankly, it was dark and icky in there."


	132. What's On Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Jul-2006; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[your companion of soul understanding](http://31-days.livejournal.com/563853.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[What's On Your Mind? (Pure Energy)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What's_On_Your_Mind%3F_%28Pure_Energy%29)" by Information Society.

"Dah-ling?" Miz asked. "Don't you sometimes feel jealous of Makoto and Ifurita, and how they can share their memories and their thoughts with Makoto's ability?"

"Nah," Fujisawa said. "I don't need Makoto's 'magic touch' to know what you're thinking."

On a whimsical impulse, he pressed his index finger against Miz' forehead, held his other hand to his own head, and closed his eyes. "You're thinking, I wish he would drink less, quit day-dreaming about mountain-climbing, and pay more attention to me instead."

Miz sighed, but smiled. "Well, dah-ling, if you know all that, why don't you do something about it?"


	133. Omniphobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Sep-2006; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[between two worlds I do belong](http://31-days.livejournal.com/648089.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.

Nanami was visiting with Makoto. "Say, where's Ifurita?" she asked.

Makoto sighed. He walked up to a closet and opened it, to reveal Ifurita lying on the floor in a fetal position.

Nanami raised an eyebrow. "Makoto? Why do you have a demon-god in your closet?"

"She's overwhelmed by... everything," Makoto said. "She drifted in the utterly empty dimensional void between El-Hazard and Earth for ten thousand years. After that, reality is kinda hard to handle."

"Gosh," Nanami said. "And *I* thought the lunch-hour rush at the restaurant was tough."

"Please close the door," Ifurita whimpered.

Makoto sighed again. "Sorry."


	134. Ménage à Mizuhara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Sep-2006; crossover/humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #53 "earth" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Azumanga Daioh_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azumanga_Daioh). I've been waiting for months to use this idea.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first _El-Hazard_ OVA series.
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami walked up to Makoto and Ifurita, who had taken a table in the Shinonome Diner with another guest. "Welcome to the Shinonome Diner!... Who's your friend, Makoto-chan?"

"This is my cousin, Koyomi Mizuhara," said Makoto. "Ifurita and I secretly brought her here from Earth for a visit... Yomi, this is my friend Nanami. She first came to El-Hazard along with me."

"Well, then, welcome to El-Hazard!" Nanami said cheerfully. "Are you enjoying your visit?"

"Yes," Yomi said, "but I can't wait to try your Earth-style cooking. Makoto said your food is the best."

"If you don't mind my asking," Nanami asked, "did you get a 'super-power' when you came from Earth to El-Hazard?"

Makoto answered for her. "Actually, she has the same 'magic touch' that I have. It must run in the Mizuhara family. Yomi? Ifurita? Why don't you show Nanami what you can do?"

Ifurita nodded, and held out her hand. A slightly embarrassed Yomi held her hand, closed her own eyes, and concentrated. A familiar glow appeared around both of them.

Nanami couldn't resist some gentle teasing. "So, Makoto, have you and Yomi... you know... 'touched' Ifurita at the same time?"

Makoto sighed. "Nanami, she's my cousin."


	135. Love In The Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Sep-2006; humor/romance; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the seductive degradation of knowledge](http://31-days.livejournal.com/648089.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Love In The Library](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:p02vadokl8co)" by Jimmy Buffet.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto was returning a book to Schtalubaugh's libary. Ifurita had only recently been rescued, and she had taken to following Makoto everywhere.

Ifurita looked around her with the wonder of a child. "This quiet place is wonderful."

"I've spent many hours here," Makoto said. "But there are still so many books left to read..."

"Makoto?" said Ifurita. "Would you read to me? No one has ever read to me. And after ten thousand years of silence, I enjoy hearing your voice."

"Well, sure." Makoto pulled out an aged book of history, and walked to a secluded corner. "Hmm. There's only one cushion here."

"Then we shall share it," Ifurita said. They sat down, and Ifurita snuggled up to Makoto as he began to read. 

"Let's see... the Ancient Duchy of Baron is the-huh-HEY!! Ifurita, what are you doing with your hands!?"

"Have I done something wrong, Makoto?" a genuinely concerned Ifurita asked.

"Oh, no," Keiichi said. "It's just, this isn't, uh, 'like' you..."

"In that case," Ifurita whispered seductively, "I must do this more often. Please continue reading."

Makoto tried to concentrate, with only limited success. "The Ancient Duh-Duchy of Baron is the suh-subject of many luh-legends concerning its huh-historee-hee-HEE!!..."


	136. Birdhouse In Your Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a light called you](http://31-days.livejournal.com/692306.html)" prompt. Also rescuing an old joke from a caption contest.
> 
> See also "[Birdhouse In Your Soul](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birdhouse_In_Your_Soul)" by They Might Be Giants.

Jinnai stormed into TV-Ifurita's room in the Bugrom hive, late at night, after noticing a dim light from her open doorway. "Do you intend to leave this night light on all night!?" Jinnai shouted.

"If I turn it off," Ifurita said in a small scared voice, "the monsters will get me!"

Jinnai face-palmed. "You're a demon-god, you idiot! You ARE the monster! And besides, you're a big girl now!"

He kneeled down and shut off Ifurita's night light. "Now, then," Jinnai said, "this isn't so bad, is it?"

Somewhere in the dark room, Ifurita whimpered pathetically.

Jinnai sighed. "Aw, man..."


	137. Drinking Is Not The Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Oct-2006; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[take one and call me in the morning](http://31-days.livejournal.com/692306.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place before the end of the first OVA series, but after the second OVA series and _The Alternative World_.
> 
> This contains drinking humor (duh). Reader discretion is advised.

Shayla walked up to a melancholy Makoto, sat down next to him, and set a bottle and a shot-glass in front of him.

Makoto sighed. "Shayla, I'm not in the mood for—"

"Too bad," Shayla said. "Look, you're gonna blow a gasket if you don't let off some steam. I can't help you find and rescue Ifurita, but at least I can get you drunk, and look after you when you wake up hung-over. Drink up!!"

Makoto stared at the bottle. He suddenly poured a shot, threw it back smoothly— and promptly passed out.

"Light-weight," Shayla sadly said to herself.


	138. Forceful Delivery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[—but I'm having your baby!!](http://31-days.livejournal.com/692306.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place nine months after _The Alternative World_.

An extremely pregnant Miz walked up to Fujisawa. "Dah-ling? It's time. My water just broke."

"Are you sure?" Fujisawa asked.

Miz rolled her eyes, even as she clutched at her belly. "If nothing else, Masamichi, I was a water priestess. I think I would know."

"Alright," Fujisawa said. "We're ready to go. Just let me grab—"

Miz gasped. "Contraction!! Must go— to doctor— NOW!!" She suddenly grabbed Fujisawa's hand, and involuntarily squeezed it very tightly.

As the bones in his hand compressed painfully, the super-strong Fujisawa learned that women in the throes of childbirth can be quite forceful as well.


	139. Bug Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Nov-2006; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[who rode in defense of your queendom](http://31-days.livejournal.com/801187.html)" prompt.

Deva came to the doorway of Jinnai's private room in the Bugrom hive. "Oh, Mr. JIN-nai?" she asked, in her most seductive voice. "Are you busy at the moment?—"

Jinnai darted past her, and called back over his shoulder as he fled his room. "So sorry! Can't stay! Going on patrol with Groucho!!"

Deva blinked, and silently raised one hand in parting. _Goodness_ , she thought. _Mr. Jinnai is always eager to defend the home-front._

And then, Deva brushed away a lonely tear. _There is little reason to defend the home-front_ , she thought, _if one never spends any time at home._


	140. Stay Up Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Jan-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[going to bed early doesn't help much](http://31-days.livejournal.com/907062.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Stay Up Late](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Creatures_%28album%29)" by Talking Heads.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

A tired Makoto had gone to the Shinonome Diner for some refreshment. He yawned as Nanami served his tea.

"Sakes, Makoto," said Nanami. "Can't you get some rest, now that Ifurita is back?"

"Not really," Makoto said. "Demon gods don't need sleep, and I can't say no to Ifurita when she wakes me up, because she wants to stay up late and—"

Nanami had shot Makoto a dirty look. "TALK," Makoto said indignantly. "She wants to TALK with me."

"Yeah, right," Nanami said. "If I was away from my honey for ten thousand years, I'd wanna do more than talk."


	141. A Fine Wine Between Love And Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Jan-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[wine not found](http://31-days.livejournal.com/907062.html)" prompt.

Makoto was keeping Nanami company as she worked in her kitchen.

"Is Fujisawa- _sensei_ still stealing your cooking wine?" Makoto asked.

"Yes," Nanami said, "but I've been hiding it in the back of this cabinet, in a box, under an upside-down pot, in an unmarked... jug..."

Makoto watched Nanami hold up an empty jug, reach into it, and pull out an "IOU" note signed "Fujisawa."

Nanami slowly raised an angry trembling fist for dramatic effect as she spoke. "You won this round, _sensei_... but I shall find a way to defeat your alcoholic powers!!"

"Good luck with that," Makoto said dryly.


	142. Death From Above

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jan-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) 2006 Theme Exchange #29 "take a look to the sky just before you die" prompt.
> 
> This probably takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Ifurita was flying over the rocky terrain near Mount Muldoon, carrying Shayla in her arms.

"OK," Shayla said, "you can let go of me here. Thanks, Ifurita."

"Are you sure about this tactic?" Ifurita asked. "It does not seem sporting."

"This battle exercise was Afura's idea," Shayla said, "and 'warfare' don't mean 'war fair'."

—

Afura stood in the middle of an open area, impatiently waiting on Shayla.

 _Does that foolish girl think she can ambush me here?_ , Afura thought.

"GET READY TO DIE!!"

Afura looked up, a moment too late, and sighed sadly. _Today just isn't my day,_ she thought.


	143. Beyond The Pale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the white lady](http://31-days.livejournal.com/934944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The gang was spending a bright summer day at the beach.

Makoto walked up to his friends, in swimming trunks, and held out a handful of sunglasses from Earth. "Here," he said, "you'll need these."

"Oh, thanks." Nanami put on one pair. "That was thoughtful of you, Makoto."

"It's not just the sun..." Makoto said awkwardly.

Ifurita walked up, also wearing a rather daring swimsuit that showed a lot of skin— perfectly white skin.

"AAUGH!!" Everybody turned away from the sudden glare.

"If you had just spent ten thousand years in darkness," Ifurita said petulantly, "you would be pale too."


	144. Husband On The Bench

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the wandering wife](http://31-days.livejournal.com/934944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of _The Alternative World_.

Fujisawa was reclining on a bench in a corner of the Barage Market.

Shayla walked up, her arms full of packages. "Hiya, _sensei_ ," she said. "Waitin' on Miz while she shops?"

"Yep," Fujisawa said cheerfully. "She's been gone since lunch."

Shayla whistled. "Even I've had enough shopping by now. But hey, you don't seem too worried 'bout it."

"We made a deal," Fujisawa said. "If she doesn't come back in..." He checked his watch. "...five minutes, *I* get to go drinking."

"No foolin'?" Shayla sat next to her old drinking buddy on the bench. "Sounds like a deal to me."


	145. Remains In Her Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Feb-2007; angst; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[bones powder and blood](http://31-days.livejournal.com/934944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains descriptions of graphic violence and adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Ifurita stood motionless at an open window of the Floristica palace, staring into the distance.

Makoto walked up behind her, and held a hand on her shoulder. "Ifurita?" he asked quietly.

Ifurita didn't move. "I passed a construction site today," she said distantly. "The workers had uncovered an ancient subterranean chamber.

"It was a torture chamber. The bones of its prisoners still lay in the dust of the centuries. The blood spilled there still stained the stone floor.

"The workers were horrified, and rightly so. But... it horrified me... even more...

Ifurita turned to Makoto, and began to weep. "I remember it, Makoto. I was there. To those men, it was only a relic of the past. But for me, it is a living memory.

"I still see the faces twisted in pain. I hear the wordless screams. I smell... the death..."

Words failed Ifurita. Makoto held her silently; he knew there was nothing he could say. But there was one thing he could do.

"Ifurita?" he said, after some time. "You know I could make you forget. I've given you memories. I can also take them away."

"I know," Ifurita whispered. "But you know that I must never forget."


	146. Might Makes Not Quite Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I am nothing, you are wind and devil and God](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1000590.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after Ifurita's return at the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Afura?" said Ifurita. "I know that the great priestesses engage in training exercises. Since we are no longer enemies, would you like to spar with me?"

Afura grimaced. "You're still a demon god, Ifurita. And I still ache from our first battle."

"I could hold back," Ifurita said. "But it might also be instructive to train with an overwhelming opponent."

"Well, that's true," Afura said.

Makoto walked up. "Makoto, which scenario would you prefer?" Ifurita asked. "One in which Afura and I are well matched... or one in which I DOMINATE her?"

"Context, please," Makoto said through a sudden nosebleed.


	147. Doomsday Plot Device

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[gods are crumbling somewhere, machines are rumbling somewhere](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1000590.html)" prompt.

"How goes the work in the royal gardens?" Rune asked Londs. "Have the masons completed their new stonework?"

"Not quite," Londs said. "The work has been delayed, due to another, uh, complication."

Rune face-palmed. "You don't mean!—"

"Indeed," Londs said. "We've unearthed an ancient battle robot. As usual, it appears to be in perfect working order."

"Not again!" Rune said. "I wish we could pass one week without unearthing some terrible doomsday weapon, or an impossibly beautiful yet deadly demon god, from El-Hazard's distant past."

"It certainly does make it difficult to qualify for affordable palace insurance premiums," Londs noted.


	148. I Remember The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Apr-2007; general; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "recollection of light" prompt. Also recycling a scene from an early _El-Hazard_ short-fic.
> 
> See also "I Remember The Sun" by XTC.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains cheesy mush. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto and Ifurita sat in an open doorway, sharing a blanket, and gazing at the eastern horizon.

"Are you alright?" Makoto asked Ifurita. "You should still try to rest."

"I have not seen the sun rise in El-Hazard for ten thousand years," Ifurita said. "I have not seen it since... I became free. And when I saw your Earth's sun rise, I... wished that I might see it again in my own world..."

As the first rays of the sun broke over the horizon, Ifurita leaned against Makoto. He felt her tremble with newly human emotion.

"Good morning," Makoto whispered.


	149. I Hate This Birthdate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Apr-2007; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "love and hatred" prompt.

An annoyed Jinnai sat down to tea with Deva and TV-Ifurita. He was holding a small colorful card.

"What's that?" Ifurita asked.

"A birthday card from Nanami," said Jinnai. "Earth people send cards to each other on their birthdays."

"How nice," Deva said. "You might not get along with your sister, but at least she thought of you. What does the card say?"

Jinnai read the card:   
" _Roses are red,_   
_Green is the leek._   
_Have a rotten birthday,_   
_You crazy weirdo freak._ "

"It's... the thought that counts?" Deva said weakly.

"Yes," Jinnai said dryly, "it is."


	150. Tonight You Belong To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Apr-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "belong" prompt.
> 
> When Fatora Met Alielle. This takes place some time before the first OVA.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fatora had summoned the new servant-girl Alielle to her private quarters.

"Alielle Relryle," Fatora said formally. "Though I have not known you for long, I find you pleasing, and I wish to have you for my consort."

"Oh," Alielle said. "Kay!"

"Do not enter into this arrangement lightly," Fatora said darkly. "I intend to make you mine, utterly and completely, body and soul, forever and ever. You shall serve me as a slave, subject to my slightest whim or fancy. As of tonight... YOU... BELONG... to ME!"

"Sounds good to me!" Alielle said happily.

"EX-cellent," a pleasantly surprised Fatora said.


	151. Slave Over A Hot Stove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-May-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Return On Investment](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1111764.html)" prompt.

Shayla was lounging in an open kitchen doorway of the Shinonome Diner, chatting with a busy Nanami.

"I gotta hand it to ya, Box Lunch Girl," said Shayla. "We don't always get along, but you do know how to run a restaurant."

"Thank you, Shayla," said Nanami. "That's very kind of you."

"You've been spendin' the best years of your life in this hot kitchen, puttin' in long days to turn a small profit," Shayla said, "while I've been goofin' off, havin' excitin' adventures in distant exotic lands..."

Nanami sighed. "Just had to keep talking, didn't you?"

Shayla grinned. "Yep."


	152. Grease Bomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Jul-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[look for the one with her head in the oven](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1165513.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto was surprised to find the Shinonome Diner closed. He was even more surprised to find Nanami kneeling behind a heavy table on its side. "Nanami?—"

"GET DOWN!!" Nanami reached up and yanked Makoto down beside her. "Shayla's cleaning the oven for me."

Makoto gulped. "You don't mean—"

A fireball in the kitchen lit up the dining room.

Nanami stood up after the explosion subsided. "That's one way to get rid of the grease and grime. YOU OKAY, SHAYLA?"

A badly-singed Shayla stumbled out from the kitchen. "That ROCKED!!" Shayla said excitedly.

"I didn't know Shayla enjoyed cleaning," Makoto said.


	153. Smoking Is El-Hazardous To Your Health

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Jul-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[you are second hand smoke](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1165513.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains cartoon violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura and Shayla were chatting with Fujisawa. "Have you given up smoking for good?" Afura asked.

"Yup!" Fujisawa said proudly. "I haven't had a smoke for weeks."

"Good for you," Shayla said. "I know it ain't easy not ta smoke. Even Afura smokes, now and then."

Afura raised an eyebrow. "Shayla, what are you talking about? I've never smoked in my lifeEEEEK!!"

Before Afura could react, Shayla triggered her lamp, and engulfed Afura in a mostly-harmless fireball.

"Sure you have," Shayla said smugly. "You're smokin' right now."

A disheveled, lightly-charred and smoking Afura scowled. "Hate. You. SO. Much," she growled.


	154. Me And The Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[oh yes, with a gust of wind will come the one you seek](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1186164.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Me And The Wind" by XTC.

Makoto was engrossed in an unusually interesting book he had found in Schtalubaugh's library.

After some time, he put down the book and looked away absently. "Afura would love this book," he said out loud to himself. "I wonder where she is—"

Suddenly, a chill wind blew through the library. Makoto shuddered as the pages of his book flipped uncontrollably, and as the candle on his table guttered.

But then, Makoto frowned. "Very funny," he called out. "You can come in now."

An obviously disappointed Afura walked up. "Makoto," she said, "you simply have no appreciation for well-timed dramatic entrances."


	155. Purple Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Aug-2007; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[nights drenched in passion's colour](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1186164.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Purple Rain" by Prince.

Miz and Fujisawa strolled along a path, late in the evening.

"Look at the flaming purple sky!" Miz said. "It's so romantic..."

"Looks like rain," Fujisawa grunted.

Miz sighed. "Honestly, dah-ling, can't you..."

As if on cue, it began to rain. "Told ya so," Fujisawa noted.

Miz stopped, but Fujisawa walked on. "Dah-ling?" Miz asked. "Aren't you coming back?"

"Nah," Fujisawa said. "It's a warm gentle rain. I thought a certain former water priestess would enjoy it."

Miz smiled. She pulled the ribbon from her hair and shook it loose. And then, she and Fujisawa walked on into the rain.


	156. Well Done From The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Sep-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[you illustrate the sun's true candor](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1216936.html)" prompt.

"Is something wrong?" Afura asked Kauru. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Actually," a dazed Kauru said, "I just saw Miss Shayla without her headband for the first time."

"Ah," said Afura. "Yes, I remember, it startled me too..."

Shayla walked up, holding her headband in her hand. Her exposed forehead was strikingly pale.

"...but that's what happens," Afura said, "when you wear a headband under the sun for years."

"Aren't you worried about having wrinkled skin when you're older?" Kauru asked Shayla timidly.

"Nah," Shayla said cheerfully. "Live fast, die young, and leave a tanned and sexy corpse."


	157. Wandering And Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Sep-2007; angst?/humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[this road is all you'll ever have](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1216936.html)" prompt.

Makoto and Fujisawa were hiking along an ancient path through a small mountain range. They paused on a high ridge with a magnificent view of the lands around them.

"I wonder where this path leads," Makoto said out loud.

"I suppose we'll find out," Fujisawa said. "Unless you wanna head back now."

"No," Makoto said, "we've come this far. And there's no reason for me to turn back."

"Mmm," Fujisawa said.

They stared at the long road ahead for awhile longer.

"Except for Princess Rune," Makoto said sadly.

Fujisawa agreed. "I wish I'd stayed at the water temple with Miz."


	158. Hours, Yours And Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Sep-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[why do you keep counting?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1216936.html)" prompt.
> 
> Just an excuse for Ifurita to paraphrase Suigintou.

Ifurita staggered up to Makoto and embraced him. "Oh, Makoto!" she said. "It has been eighty-seven million, six hundred sixty thousand hours since the last time I saw you."

Makoto didn't answer. After a moment, Ifurita raised her face from his shoulder, and found Makoto silently mouthing numbers to himself.

"Um, that is ten thousand years," Ifurita said. "But that is not important now... Makoto?"

Makoto still didn't answer right away. "Are you sure that's ten thousand years?" he finally said. "I only 'get' eighty-seven million, six hundred thousand hours 'even'."

"Do not forget the leap days," Ifurita said patiently.


	159. Helpless Help Lass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Nov-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[helpless](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1306859.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains creepy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Alielle had stopped by Nanami's restaurant to pick up some food for Fatora.

"It's none of my business," a concerned Nanami asked, "but are you still Fatora's personal servant? She could get her own food, for a change."

"Oh, no," Alielle said earnestly. "When my beloved Lady Fatora desires something of me, I am helpless to resist."

"Gosh," said Nanami. "I didn't know Fatora's affection had that much power over you."

"Well, yes, her affection," Alielle said casually, "but also her ropes, and her chains..."

Nanami whimpered, and silently reminded herself of the futility of engaging Alielle in friendly conversation.


	160. Staff Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Nov-2007; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[caduceus](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1306859.html)" prompt.

Jinnai found TV-Ifurita sitting at attention. Her key-staff was leaning against the table next to her.

"What are you doing, Ifurita?" asked Jinnai, not really wanting to know.

"Queen Deva said that you wanted to hold a staff meeting," Ifurita said.

"That doesn't mean I want to MEET with your STAFF!!" Jinnai yelled.

"Why not?" Ifurita's key-staff said, in a hurt voice.

Jinnai froze. His mouth slowly fell open. Suddenly, he ran away screaming.

Ifurita sighed. "Staff- _chan_! I asked you not to speak until I introduced you!"

"Please don't call me 'Staff- _chan_ '," the key-staff said.

"'Kay, Staff- _chan_ ," Ifurita said cheerfully.


	161. Now That I Have Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Dec-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[give me something to look forward to](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1321868.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Now That I Have Everything" by They Might Be Giants.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of _The Alternative World_.

"Is something wrong?" Fujisawa asked Miz.

"No..." Miz said distantly. "...oh, I'm sorry, dah-ling. No, not at all. In fact, I was just thinking of how I have everything I've ever wanted. I retired from a long and successful career, and now I have you, and my own family..."

"...but?" Fujisawa asked gently.

"Now that I have everything," Miz said, "I have nothing to look forward to!"

"That's not true," Fujisawa said. "Now you can look forward to not worrying about not having the things you've looked foward to."

Miz blinked. "...why, dah-ling! How profound!"

Fujisawa grinned. "It's 'Slacker Zen'."


	162. Leg Lockdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Dec-2007; humor/romance; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[separation anxiety](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1321868.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains VERY explicit adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Good morning, Makoto."

"* _ngh_ *... G'morning, Ifu... uh... Ifurita?"

"Yes?"

"I know last night was our first night together, after I rescued you and restored you... and believe me, I wish it could have lasted forever..."

"As do I, dearest Makoto."

"...but it's morning now, and you're still clutching me— with unbreakable demon-god strength. And you've wrapped your legs around my waist. You're holding me in the most compromising position imaginable."

"Are you displeased? You just said, you wish it could have lasted forever."

"Ifurita, you can't cling to me like this forever."

"No, but I am fully charged, and my demon-god muscles do not cramp. I should be able to maintain this position for about ten years."

"Uh, OK. But you can't keep me like this for ten years."

"The Floristica palace staff could hand-feed you, bathe you, and conduct your business affairs. And if we actively make love regularly, that should provide sufficient exercise."

"...you've put some thought into this."

"I had ten thousand years to ponder it... Oh, Makoto! I have slept alone for an eternity, only dreaming of holding you. Please... let me hold you for awhile longer..."

"Well, sure. I've been in worse spots than this."


	163. Down Muldoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Jan-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a mountain of violent sins](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1361030.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains cruel slapstick humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura and Shayla had brought Kauru to the top of a steep mountain path. "...and this is a second hidden path to our temple," Afura said.

Kauru leaned over for a look. "Goodness! It looks even more steep than the main path— YEEEK!!"

Afura and Shayla suddenly gave Kauru a push. She fell down the path, bouncing along it like a pinball. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!..."

"I almost feel sorry for her," Afura said.

"Aw, c'mon," Shayla said. "We've been waiting for this moment since Miz pushed us down this path."

"That's why I said 'almost'," Afura said.


	164. Barage Barter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Jan-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the best article in the market](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1361030.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fatora cornered Shayla during another visit to the palace. "That's a lovely dress you're wearing today," Fatora said sincerely.

"Oh," said Shayla, surprised at Fatora's genuine compliment. "Uh, thanks. I got it at the Barage Market. It was a real bargain."

"Tell you what," Fatora said. "I'll give you this much for it." She whispered in Shayla's ear.

"Are you CRAZY!?" Shayla yelled. "No dress is worth that much!!"

Fatora held Shayla's chin in a condescending way. "That offer is only good if the 'current contents' are included with the dress."

"Ain't enough money in El-Hazard for that," Shayla growled.


	165. The Artless Of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Feb-2008; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[accursed be he that first invented war](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1430852.html)" prompt.

A dejected Jinnai returned to the Bugrom hive. "How did today's war games go, Master?" asked TV-Ifurita.

"Terrible," said Jinnai. "The Bugrom can't keep formation. They just swarm all over the place..."

He suddenly glared at Ifurita. "You're the 'legendary war machine'. We need a fresh strategy for attacking Roshtaria. Got any ideas?"

Ifurita was thoughtful. "Well... I could fly into Roshtaria by myself..."

"Yes?" said Jinnai. 

"And I could bring Princess Rune Venus back to the hive again..."

"Yes?" said Jinnai.

"And we could have tea again," Ifurita said sweetly, "and then take another nap together!"

"NO!!" said Jinnai.


	166. Older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Feb-2008; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[time doth run with calm and silent foot](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1430852.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Older" by They Might Be Giants.
> 
> This probably takes place shortly before the first OVA.

Shayla found an exasperated Afura trying to console a distraught Miz. "What's eatin' her?" Shayla asked Afura.

"Oh," Afura said resignedly, "she's worried about being single and twenty-nine years old again."

"I'm older than I've ever been!" Miz cried.

Shayla blinked. "Um, yeah... I think that goes without sayin'..."

"And now I'm even older!" Miz sobbed.

Afura face-palmed. "Three guesses what's she's going to say next," Afura grumbled, "and the first two don't count."

"And now," an inconsolable Miz cried, "I'm older STILL!!"

Shayla sighed. "This routine gets real old, real fast."

"And now," Afura noted, "it's gotten even older."


	167. Wall Of Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Mar-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[willingly walking into a wall](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1506131.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 2 of the second OVA.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

After Jinnai convinced the others to let him enter Yuba's oasis, he and Kalia walked towards the one-way illusion of the mountain wall.

Jinnai unexpectedly collided with it, as if it were real rock. "OUCH!!" he said.

Kalia paused, standing halfway through the illusion. "What's wrong?" she asked. She slammed Jinnai's head against the barrier again.

"OUCH!!" Jinnai said again. "Take it easy, wouldja!?"

"I don't understand," Kalia said. "This illusion isn't solid to anyone else..."

Then she smiled. "Oh, *I* know! It must be impervious to idiots!"

"You're just making that up!!" Jinnai yelled, hurt both physically and emotionally.


	168. They Couldn't Hit An Elephant At This Dist-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Apr-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[there's no time for catchy lines](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1549763.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains off-screen violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Kauru guided a dazed Shayla back to the Muldoon temple. Afura ran up as Kauru helped Shayla to a chair. "Is she alright?" Afura asked.

"I think so," Kauru said. "She took a blow to the head from a stone launched from some kind of new Bugrom projectile weapon."

"Her head?" Afura said in relief. "How many pieces did it break into when it hit her thick skull?"

"Very funny," Shayla said. "You're gonna have to keep your big head down from now on too."

"I knew something was wrong," Kauru said, "when Miss Shayla shouted 'Get ready to dAIEEE!!'"


	169. Londs On His Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Jun-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[his accent is hypnotic, but his shoes are pointy-toed](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1634356.html)" prompt.

As Makoto and Fujisawa stood nearby, Londs announced Rune's entrance. "KNEEL FOR THE PRINCESS RUNE VENUS!!"

"Londs sure does command a lot of respect, doesn't he?" Makoto whispered to Fujisawa, as they both kneeled for Rune.

"Yeah," Fujisawa said. "It takes a real man to command that much respect while wearing pointy shoes and a poofy hat."

Makoto blinked. "...excuse me?"

"I hope that's a ceremonial uniform," Fujisawa said, "and not clothing he'd usually wear on his own. I mean, those shoes are practically elf shoes!"

"So says the man in the track suit and house slippers," Makoto noted dryly.


	170. Ant See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Jul-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[view from the afternoon](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1685108.html)" prompt.

Jinnai and Deva were watching Bugrom workers from an open window high in the hive.

"What an excellent view of our servants," Jinnai said. "They look like ants from here."

"Do you think so?" Deva asked. "Actually, Bugrom have a larger abdomen, a smaller head and thorax, shorter antennae and legs, and—"

"It's a figure of speech!" Jinnai said nervously. "Er, I didn't know El-Hazard had ants."

"Oh, of course," Deva said. "In fact, my uncle was an ant."

"Your uncle was an ant," Jinnai repeated flatly in disbelief.

Deva nodded wistfully. "[She used to love me, but she died](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger_Miller_discography#Singles)."


	171. Beyond Good And Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Aug-2008; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[evil is a good condition](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1720454.html)" prompt.

"Why have you kidnapped me again?" TV-Rune Venus asked TV-Ifurita, after she'd kidnapped her again.

"Because I'm evil!" Ifurita said proudly.

"But I thought you were a good girl," Rune said sadly.

"I AM a good girl," Ifurita said. "I'm a good and evil girl!"

"But good and evil are opposite qualities!" Rune said. "If something can be both good and evil, then it could be both left and right, or up and down, or black and white..."

"Wait a moment, please." Ifurita pulled out her tiny notepad and her pencil. "Could you repeat that? I wanna get it down."


	172. Disarmed Armor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Dec-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I appeal to your scratches and your tattered fur](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1912785.html)" prompt.

Alielle walked up to Londs and Makoto, who was "wearing" Ura the armor cat. "I miss Ura," she said, reaching out to stroke the cat's fur.

"You can play with Ura any time you like," Makoto said kindly. "Just because Fatora didn't want... uh, Alielle?"

Alielle suddenly began to rub Ura's belly. The cat dropped away from Makoto, lay on its back with its legs in the air, and purred loudly.

"Alielle appears to have discovered a weakness in your armor," Londs noted.

"True," Makoto said, "but the Bugrom probably wouldn't employ tickle attacks."

"Cootchie cootchie coo!!" Alielle said happily.


	173. Down In The Cockpit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Feb-2009; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days_exchnge**](http://31-days-exchnge.livejournal.com/) "interactive bush planes" prompt.
> 
> See also "Down In The Cockpit" by XTC.
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura was carrying Shayla back to Mount Muldoon after a remote border skirmish with the Bugrom.

"Hey, Afura," said Shayla. "Let's stop by Floristica, and—"

"And stalk Makoto?" Afura asked dryly. "No thank you. I'm tired, dirty, and in no mood to watch you make a fool of yourself."

"Aw, c'mon, Affie!" Shayla began to tug at Afura's waist, as if to pull her off-course.

"If you're trying to 'steer' me," Afura said smugly, "you'll have to do better than that."

"Fine," Shayla snapped. "Let's see you ignore THIS."

"Hey!!" Afura said. "Where are you putting putting your hands!?... YEEEEEEEEEEK!!"

—

A minute later, the priestesses were struggling out of the thick brush into which Afura had flown after losing control.

"For pity's sake, Shayla!" a still-shaken Afura said. "When did you learn how to do that to another woman!?"

"When Alielle did it to me," an extremely embarrassed Shayla said. "Sorry. I didn't know you were that, uh, sensitive."

"I see," Afura said. "So... what's it worth to you for me not to tell Alielle you groped another woman?"

Shayla gulped. "Uh... I'll be your slave for a day?"

"Three days," Afura said.

"A weekend," Shayla said.

"Done," said Afura.


	174. It Is Can Be Hugs Tiem Nao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Don't shake me loose of her](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after the end of the first OVA.

Makoto and Ifurita watched as Alielle happily glomped Fatora.

Ifurita walked up to Fatora, and picked her up, with Alielle still attached. She shook them a few times, as if to shake Alielle loose.

Makoto sweat-dropped. "Uh... Ifurita?..."

"Interesting," Ifurita said, as Fatora and Alielle's eyes went all swirly. "Even I cannot separate Alielle from the Princess Fatora...

"However, I have acquired a new ability." Ifurita returned to Makoto and embraced him with unbreakable demon-god strength.

After a minute, Makoto involuntarily squirmed. "Are you going to, uh, let go?" he asked.

"Not this year," Ifurita said happily.

_Uh-oh_ , thought Makoto.


	175. On The Shoulders Of Freaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the tonnage of their shoulders](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "On The Shoulders Of Freaks" by [Henry Phillips](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Phillips_%28comedian%29).
> 
> This contains indirect mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The Princess Rune Venus found Makoto gazing through a window. "A roshtal for your thoughts?" she asked.

"I've rediscovered much of the ancient science of El-Hazard," Makoto said distantly. "I'm starting to fear that its dark secrets might someday drive me to self-destructive madness, the same as it did the ancients."

"Fear not," Rune said. "True, the science of the ancients perverted my ancestors. However, as perverts go, you're quite harmless."

"You say that as though you consider yourself a leading authority on perverts," Makoto said.

"Living with Fatora and Alielle qualifies me to speak on the subject," Rune declared.


	176. Afura's On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[listen, says ambition, nervously shifting her weight from one boot to another—why don't you get going?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and mild adult language. Reader discretion is advised.

Shayla found Afura reading a book. "Ready to go on patrol?" Shayla asked.

"In a minute," Afura said. 

Roughly sixty seconds later, Shayla asked again. "Ready to go?"

"In a MINUTE," Afura snapped.

Shayla sighed, and then pulled out the Great Lamp of Fire.

—

Kauru watched Afura run past while screaming and clutching at her bottom, which was smoking heavily.

And then, Shayla walked up. "I don't think I've ever seen Miss Afura run that fast," Kauru said to Shayla.

"The best way to 'light a fire under Afura's ass'," Shayla explained, "is to light a FIRE under Afura's ASS."


	177. Waterlines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a love like holy water](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.

Shayla and Afura were visiting with Fujisawa and Miz, who was clinging closely to Fujisawa.

"I was afraid that you might grow bored with married life," Afura said to Miz, "but it looks like you two are as much in love as ever."

"Of course!" the retired water priestess said. "Our love is as deep as the deepest ocean, as strong as the strongest river current..."

"As high as the highest mountain?" Fujisawa added hopefully.

"Dah-ling, I'm speaking in similes that involve water," Miz said patiently. "Do try to follow along."

"Yes dear," Fujisawa said meekly, like a good husband.


	178. Have You Got It Yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Jan-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the loneliest human in history was just happy to have a few minutes of peace and quiet](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place before the end of the first OVA series, but after the second OVA series and _The Alternative World_.

Schtalubaugh found Makoto hard at work. "Any progress on Ifurita's rescue?" he asked.

"Only a little," Makoto said. "The calculations are even more difficult than I imagined."

"Then I won't keep you," Schtalubaugh said. "Call for me if you need anything."

A minute or two later, Nanami poked her head in. "Any breakthroughs, Makoto- _chan_?"

Makoto sighed, but made time for his childhood friend. "Hello, Nanami. No, not yet."

After a short visit, Nanami left. But then, Fujisawa showed up. "How's it goin', kid?"

Makoto face-palmed. _At this rate,_ he thought, _it really will take ten thousand years to rescue Ifurita._


	179. Playing By Ear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Jan-2016; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[strength is quite different from toughness and being vulnerable isn't quite the same as being weak](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Makoto found a morose Ifurita standing at an open balcony and staring into the distance. He walked up to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Ifurita?" he asked softly.

"...mmm?" Ifurita said distantly without moving.

Makoto smiled to himself, and then he leaned in and breathed into Ifurita's ear. The dreaded ancient demon-god gasped, shuddered, and giggled like a love-struck schoolgirl.

"Sorry, love," Makoto said. "You looked like you needed that."

"Perhaps I did," said a smiling Ifurita. "Human vulnerability is surprisingly enjoyable."

"If you ever do that to me," Makoto said, "please don't literally blow my brains out."


	180. Alternative World Hazard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Jan-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[to say that it was wondrous would be to say that the universe is quite a big place](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an early out-take from _The Alternative World_. (Makoto didn't know about Arjah or Creteria's Eye of God until later.)

"I can't believe we're stranded in another dimension AGAIN!" Nanami said to Makoto.

"It could have been worse," Makoto said mildly.

"Oh?" said Nanami. "I find that hard to believe."

"Ifurita sent us from Earth to El-Hazard," Makoto said, "but as far as I know, no one actually sent us here. We happened to come to Creteria entirely by chance. We might very well have found ourselves on a tiny airless moon, or in the crushing atmosphere of a gas giant, or even adrift in the hard vacuum of interstellar space."

"Somehow," Nanami said nervously, "I don't find that reassuring."


	181. Trust Dis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Jan-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[there are many shades of trust, and most of them are grey](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt.

"You and Miss Shayla have known each other for so long," Kauru said to Afura. "It must be wonderful to have someone whom you can trust with your life."

"Shayla always has my back in battle," Afura said. "But I can't exactly trust her in general."

"What do you mean?" Kauru asked innocently.

"When I loan her money, I can trust her to gamble it away," Afura said. "And I can trust her to act like an idiot around Makoto."

"Oh," Kauru said.

"Don't worry, dear," Afura said. "Shayla can trust ME never to miss a chance to insult her."


	182. Waiting Gloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Feb-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[if I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3162331.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Finding herself alone once again, Ifurita stared into the distance, and then hung her head and sighed. 

But then, after what seemed like an eternity, a smiling Makoto appeared before her. Forgetting her lethargy, Ifurita wept tears of joy as she ran to be reunited with him.

"If you don't like to be separated from me," a surprised Makoto said, "you could come into the dentist's office with me and sit with me while I'm having my teeth cleaned."

"It is alright," Ifurita said softly. "After the past ten thousand years, I have become quite skilled at waiting for you."


	183. Out Of That World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Feb-2016; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I could give you petty rhymes / Of worlds that I contrive](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3162331.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place many years after the end of the first OVA series.

An aged Makoto was sitting on a Floristica street bench, talking with a small child while her mother did the shopping. An unchanged Ifurita also sat on the bench, watching Makoto with a melancholy smile.

"...and where I came from," Makoto said to the child, "the streets were full of metal machines, and lined with artificial lights on tall poles. It was noisy, and crowded, and kind of scary."

"That's weird," the child said. "Are you making that up?"

Makoto winked at Ifurita, and then patted the child's head. "Sorry, love. I must be imagining things in my old age."


	184. Moving Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[your mountain is waiting](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.

"Dah-ling?" Miz said. "When I went outside, I saw what looked like one-third of a small mountain in our back-yard."

"Yep," Fujisawa said. "Makoto is helping me cut it into blocks small enough to carry here with my super-strength."

"You can't just TAKE a MOUNTAIN HOME!" Miz said.

"Why not?" Fujisawa said. "No one else was using it. And soon, I'll be able to go climbing without leaving home."

"It would have been easier for us to move closer to the mountain," Miz noted. "Well, it's alright as long as you promise to take care of your new 'pet rock'."


	185. When The Chips Are Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Apr-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[part wild](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3181743.html)" prompt.

The three Muldoon priestesses were enjoying a leisurely stroll through the palace gardens— until Shayla proceeded to embarrass Afura in public.

"Shayla?" said Afura. "I know that you grew up in poverty, and that you often went to bed hungry. But you're a great priestess now, and you don't have to pick food out of the trash like a wild animal!"

Shayla held up a greasy paper bag. "Aw, c'mon, Affy! These fish and chips haven't even been touched!"

"Miss Shayla?" said a tearful Kauru. "If you can't afford to buy food, I'll buy fresh fish and chips for you."


	186. The Magnificent World On Her Shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Apr-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[adjective-ly](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3181743.html)" prompt.

Alielle found Princess Fatora unsteadily swaying under the weight of long heavy ceremonial robes and a cloak with wide shoulders decorated with metal plates.

"Are you alright?" Alielle asked nervously.

"This is nothing!" a vain and proud Fatora gasped. "I am the junior princess of the Magnificent World of El-Hazard! I must bear my responsibilities MAGNIFICENTLY!!"

Alielle's concern for her princess left her unusually outspoken. "Fatora? We all know that your sister bears all of the responsibility around here. We can play dress up if you want, but please take that cloak off before you hurt yourself."

"OK," Fatora whimpered.


	187. Pilot Light Blow Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[it can be a mere nothing that gives us a glimpse of light](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.

Makoto was installing a custom-built natural-gas oven in the Shinonome Diner kitchen for Nanami.

"I still can't believe that you were able to build this without parts from Earth," an impressed Nanami said.

"I just used some leftover ancient technology from my studies of the Eye of God," Makoto said modestly.

"The Eye of God?" Nanami repeated. "Makoto? What are the chances that this oven will explode?"

"Non-zero," Makoto admitted.

"I can't have something this dangerous in a public restaurant!" Nanami cried.

"You let Shayla eat here," Makoto said, "and she causes explosions constantly."

"You got me there," Nanami agreed.


	188. Irony In The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[my heart burns, my soul burns / from the eyes, smoke rises](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.

Kauru watched Shayla break and arrange damp branches and short logs for a campfire.

"Miss Shayla?" asked the water priestess. "Shall I draw the water out of the wood first?"

"Nah. I got this." Shayla stood up and fired her lamp into the wood. It didn't ignite.

As Afura walked up, Shayla fired ever more powerful bolts of fire into the wood. The impatient fire priestess then fired a full-strength bolt, but it only blew dust and soot back in her face.

"You're seeing this, right?" an amused Afura asked Kauru.

"Like you never had trouble starting something," Shayla grumbled.


	189. Chain Reactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[fun and games are great distractions, but small things can have chain reactions](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains literal kinky adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Fatora barged into Makoto's room. "Are you busy?" she asked.

"Yes," Makoto said. "I'm researching Ifurita's power key-staff—"

"Good," Fatora said. "Can you use your ability on mechanical devices?"

"No, only on the technology of the ancients," Makoto said. "Why?"

"I chained Alielle to my bed," Fatora said, "and I can't find the key to the padlocks."

Makoto face-palmed. "Call a locksmith, Princess."

"Not that Alielle minds," Fatora said. "She's more submissive than a jellyfish with low self-esteem."

"Call a LOCKSMITH, Princess."

"But kinky lesbian sex becomes boring after awhile when your sub can't change positions—"

"CALL A LOCKSMITH, PRINCESS."


	190. Uniform Schooled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Liar. Monster. Snappy dresser](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains brief cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Jinnai stood up after tea with Queen Deva. He heard ominous tearing sounds from his bottom.

"Uh oh," said Jinnai.

"If your beloved Shinonome High School uniform is wearing out," Deva said, "you need not wear it daily."

"What would you have your military advisor wear?" Jinnai asked.

"You need not wear ANYTHING," Deva said. "Bugrom wear no clothing."

"NO," Jinnai said.

"I could give you the garments I wear now," Deva offered. "Is there any reason you could not wear them?"

Jinnai briefly eyed Deva's literally inhuman beauty. "I can think of at least two 'reasons'," he said nervously.


	191. Another First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a kiss, a letting go](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Another First Kiss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2damCwA7CP0)" by They Might Be Giants.
> 
> This takes place after the second OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"So I THOUGHT I was talking to Makoto about how Fatora stole my first kiss," Shayla said to Afura. "And 'he' told me that 'he' would give me a 'do over'. So we kissed... and then I found out that 'he' was Fatora in disguise again! And she stole my first kiss AGAIN!!"

"If you can't let this go," Afura said, "Fatora is just going to keep playing you for a fool."

But Shayla couldn't let it go. "THAT DIRTY LOUSY ROTTEN STINKIN'!!—"

"I'll bet you," Afura said, "that Fatora gets a THIRD first kiss from you within the month."


	192. Harem Scarum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[and I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Makoto?" said Ifurita. "After we were reunited, and after you shared your recent memories with me, I saw how much time you spent with Nanami, Shayla, and Kauru, and how they flirted with you, and the many situations in which they were nearly intimate with you."

Makoto gulped. "Uh..." he started to say.

"And seeing these things made me so HAPPY," Ifurita said earnestly.

Makoto blinked. "...really?"

"You resisted temptation and remained faithful while you worked to rescue me," Ifurita said. "I shall endeavor to prove myself worthy of your fidelity."

_EVERYTHING WENT BETTER THAN EXPECTED_ , Makoto thought to himself.


	193. One Man's Trash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Garbage In, Garbage Out](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

A bored Fatora and Alielle were poking around Makoto's workshop storage while Makoto was away.

"Look at all of this ancient technology!" Fatora said. "Makoto's gotta have something interesting in here!"

"I think most of this stuff is just trash," Alielle said. "Lots of archaeological digs are just garbage dumps."

"Come now, Alielle! Where's your sense of adventure?" Fatora opened a large cupboard— and was immediately buried in an avalanche of bits and bobs.

"Alielle?" said Fatora from underneath the overflow.

"Yes, Fatora- _sama_?" said Alielle.

"I think most of this stuff is just trash."

"I think you're right," Alielle agreed.


	194. Wet Between The Ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Oct-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[did you know](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.

A panicking Shayla ran up to Kauru. "[Dihydrogen monoxide](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dihydrogen_monoxide_hoax) is falling from the skies!!"

Kauru raised an eyebrow. "Well, yes, but why are you—"

"Did you KNOW about this!?" Shayla shrieked.

"Of course," Kauru said. "I AM the Priestess of..."

Afura walked up and winked at Kauru silently.

"...it's a grave danger," Kauru said solemnly, "but we'll find a way to survive."

Shayla ran away screaming. "EEEEEEEE!! IT'S EVERY WOMAN FOR HERSELF!!"

"Are you going to explain the joke to her?" Kauru asked Afura.

"She'll figure it out," Afura said, "when her flesh fails to melt away from her bones."


	195. You Snooze, You Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Nov-2016; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the body lives in present tense](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Ifurita leaned over Makoto's bed and shook his shoulder. "Makoto, it is the time you asked me to wake you," she said gently.

"...five more minutes," Makoto groaned sleepily.

"Why?" Ifurita asked. "Has your schedule changed?"

Makoto opened his eyes and smiled at his soul-mate. "No, no. Sometimes it's just difficult for humans like me to wake up."

"How strange," Ifurita said. "I awakened easily after ten thousand years' sleep. But I do not wish to trouble you. I have already drawn our morning bath, but if you must sleep longer, I shall take it alone—"

"I'M UP!!" Makoto said.


	196. Boom, Like That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Nov-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[an improbable fiction](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.

Miz and Shayla found Afura reading a book from her library. "Is that a history book?" Miz asked.

"It's a biography of past great priestesses," Afura said, "and a history of their accomplishments."

"Do ya think they'll write a book like that about me someday?" Shayla asked.

"No, your greatest accomplishments will probably fit on a brochure," Afura said smugly.

"Ha ha, very funny," Shayla grumbled.

"Actually," Miz said, "they could just compile all the itemized bills for property she's destroyed."

"That's ENOUGH," Shayla growled.

"More than enough," Afura agreed. "You've blown up enough buildings to fill a multi-volume work."


	197. Tie To The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Nov-2016; angst/humor?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I kept your tie](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Fujisawa and Miz had stopped by the Shinonome Diner for a visit with Nanami.

Miz noticed that Nanami was wearing a straight necktie in place of her usual bow. "Is that Makoto's school necktie?" she asked.

"Yes," Nanami said as she stroked it. "Makoto doesn't wear his school uniform anymore, and I asked him if I could keep it."

"It suits you, kid," said Fujisawa.

Nanami bit her lip. "...it makes me both happy and sad to hear you say that," she said unsteadily.

"Perhaps," Miz said gently, "you should store it instead of wearing it."

"...yeah," Nanami agreed tearfully.


	198. Close Succession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Dec-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[we are the flowers of the future](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3272715.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains brief mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Londs and a junior guard bowed as the Princess Rune Venus walked past.

"Our Princess carries herself with a royal dignity that belies her age," the junior guard thought out loud.

"I have known her since she was a babe," Londs said, "and she was always a mature and thoughtful girl."

"El-Hazard is lucky to be ruled by her for life," the junior guard agreed.

A half-dressed and giggling Alielle suddenly ran past, with a disheveled Fatora in close pursuit.

"And not her," the junior guard added bluntly.

"I have only a few more years until retirement," Londs reminded himself.


	199. Plans In Ruins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Dec-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[what will never ever fade are the sights that made us who we are now](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3272715.html)" prompt.

The Princess Rune Venus and Londs were reviewing some royal infrastructure projects.

"How goes the repairs to the southern wall of the royal gardens?" Rune asked.

"It's been delayed" Londs said. "The workmen unearthed a fully-functional killer robot."

"Well, how about the repaving of the Florestica perimeter road?"

"It was also delayed," Londs said. "More ancient technology was unearthed. It was also improbably perfectly preserved, and it's quite large and pointy."

Rune sighed sadly. "It would be easier to rule the kingdom of Roshtaria," she said, "if there weren't a horrific doomsday weapon lying in wait every five hundred meters."


	200. She Has Good Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Dec-2016; general/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Escape? No way!](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3272715.html)" prompt.

Makoto found Ifurita deep in thought, almost as if she were meditating. "Ifurita? Is something wrong?" he asked.

Ifurita opened her eyes and smiled sweetly. "Not at all. I was reliving the memories that you gave me over ten thousand years ago."

"Again? I mean, still?" Makoto asked. "When I destroyed your control circuit, I didn't mean to replace it, and control you, with my own thoughts."

Ifurita grasped Makoto's hand and looked deeply into Makoto's eyes. "In that case," she said softly, "let us make more good memories together."

"I can't say no to that request," Makoto said happily.


	201. Sleepless In Floristica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Jan-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[she wakes each day a little less](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3284216.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura and Shayla had gone to visit Miz and Fujisawa. They were surprised to find Miz still wearing a houserobe.

"I hope we weren't interrupting anything," Afura said, "and I mean that sincerely, not as innuendo."

"Don't worry," Miz said. "Fujisawa and I were just spending a quiet morning half-asleep in bed. He's still asleep."

"Yer gettin' lazy in yer retirement," Shayla said smugly.

"Actually," Miz said dreamily, "we both slept in becase we made HOT SWEET LOVE THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH."

"Why do we keep visiting her?" a pained Afura asked Shayla.

"Beats me," an extremely embarrassed Shayla said.


	202. Ruin Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Jan-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[We all have our dreams. May we find them, and God have mercy on us when we do](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3284216.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly before the end of the first OVA series.

Schtalubaugh was reviewing Makoto's final preparations to rescue Ifurita. "Everything seems to be in order," Schtalubaugh said.

"I'm more worried about how to greet Ifurita properly," an extremely nervous Makoto said. "I've spent the past few years pushing women away, not embracing them."

"Did you not say that, when first you met her in the ruins, she embraced you without hesitation?" Schtalubaugh asked.

"Well, yes," Makoto said with some embarrassment.

"I am an old man," Schtalubaugh said, "but I can assure you that it would be exceedingly difficult for you to say or do anything to spoil THIS second date."


	203. Menu Selection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Feb-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[whatever I have is yours and it's right here](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3295603.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami was reluctantly serving Princess Fatora personally at the Shinonome Diner.

Fatora looked over the menu. "So, is everything on this menu currently available?"

"Yes," Nanami said impatiently.

"EX-cellent," the extremely lesbian princess said. "Since your name is listed as the owner, I'll take YOU TO GO."

—

"...and that's what happened," Nanami said to the Princess Rune Venus some time later.

"I am sorry," Rune Venus said. "I've specifically decreed laws against kidnapping you."

"I know," Nanami said, "but Fatora keeps finding loopholes."

"If only she would use her _yuri_ powers for good instead of evil," Rune Venus said sadly.


	204. She Doesn't Feel So Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Feb-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[my head, my heart, my soul is on fire](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3295603.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains bodily-function humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Shayla sat down next to Afura and Kauru with a sigh. "Mind if I take today off?" she asked. "I don't feel so hot."

Kauru held her hands to Shayla's forehead and her own, and frowned. "You DO feel hot! You must have a fever."

"How ironic," Afura said. "The great priestess of fire, unable to use her lamp of fire because she feels TOO hot."

"Remind me to snark at you," Shayla grumbled, "if you ever eat too many beans, and then you can't use your lamp of wind because you start to far—"

"THANK you," Afura snapped.


	205. A Hit With A Miz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Mar-2017; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I don't want perfect, I just want you!](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3306592.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.

Fujisawa and Miz had hired a babysitter and planned a night on the town. Fujisawa was patiently waiting for his wife to get ready.

Miz sashayed into the room, wearing her best gown. "What do you think, dah-ling?"

Fujisawa ogled the elegant ex-priestess. "I wonder how I ended up with an amazing woman like you," he said.

Miz draped herself all over her husband. "Some people say that I was desperate after a decade of loneliness. But *I* think we were meant for each other."

"If I'm good enough for you," Fujisawa said, "your explanation is good enough for me."


	206. A Head For Figures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Apr-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[did you forget I can hear your thoughts?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3316945.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto was reading in his study when Ifurita walked up, leaned forward, and embraced him from behind.

Makoto activated his ability without turning around. [Hello, love,] he "said."

(You have been here all day. What has you so preoccupied?) Ifurita "asked."

[Oh, it's just some ten-dimensional astrophysics calculus... and...]

Ifurita squeezed him more tightly. (And?...)

[And your chest,] Makoto admitted.

(I am sorry to have distracted you.)

[No, it's chest your boobs... I'm sorry, I bust can't knockers your jugs...]

[I take no offense,] Ifurita "said" happily. [It pleases me to know that my figure is ALWAYS on your mind.]


	207. Go Fish No Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Apr-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[does a man with a harpoon go hungry?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3316945.html)" prompt.

Makoto and Fujisawa walked into the Shinonome Diner, carrying fishing poles and tackle boxes.

"Look at you two," Nanami said with a smile. "You're taking this fishing trip seriously."

"It's a change from mountaineering," Fujisawa said, "and the fish are really 'biting' now."

"Well, have fun... Oh! I packed your lunches." Nanami held out two deluxe boxed lunches.

Makoto frowned. "Nanami, we're going FISHING. We were planning to CATCH our lunch."

"Have either of you ever actually caught a fish in your lives?" Nanami asked patiently.

Fujisawa and Makoto looked at each other, and then they sadly accepted the lunches.


	208. Ultimatum And Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Jun-2017; humor; 200 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Quickly, yes or no? Which is it to be?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3326885.html)" prompt.

Jinnai had dragged TV-Ifurita to a tiny village in the middle of nowhere to threaten its residents for no good reason.

"Surrender immediately," Jinnai said to a group of barely-interested villagers, "or my demon god will destroy you!!"

"What demon god?" a villager asked.

Jinnai turned to see an empty Ifurita-shaped dotted line where Ifurita had been standing. "GAH!!" he shouted.

He spun around, and then spotted Ifurita as she was flying away. "HEY!! WHERE are you GOING!?" he yelled.

"Hmm?" said Ifurita. "Oh. Sorry, Master. I thought I saw something shiny."

Jinnai face-palmed. "PLEASE try to CONCENTRATE," he growled.

"'Kay!" Ifurita said cheerfully. She began to fly away again.

"WAIT!!" Jinnai cried. "WHAT are you DOING, you IDIOT!?"

Ifurita frowned. "I'm doing what you told me to do. I'm trying to concentrate on the shiny thing that I saw."

"ARRGH!!" said Jinnai. "CONCENTRATE on what I'M doing!!"

"But I DID!!" Ifurita protested. "You TOLD me to CONCENTRATE! That's what you did! I'm ONLY doing what you TOLD me to do!!"

"Excuse me," the villager said. "Do we still need to surrender immediately, or can we wait until you get this straightened out?"

"Aw shaddap, would ya?" Jinnai said sadly.


	209. Not Everybody Wants To Rule The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Jul-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Welcome to your life. There's no turning back](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3327585.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Everybody Wants To Rule The World](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST86JM1RPl0)" by Tears For Fears.
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Rune Venus was trying to train Fatora in some royal duties, but Fatora's thoughts were elsewhere.

"Are we almost done here?" Fatora asked impatiently. "I need to have kinky lesbian sex with Alielle."

Rune sighed. "Fatora, you can't be irresponsible forever. You ARE the junior princess of Roshtaria. You need to know these things."

"And YOU can't be so incredibly uptight forever," Fatora said in turn. "Seriously, sis, I love you dearly, but you need to get LAID."

Rune facepalmed. "Fatora, PLEASE!...."

"Am I wrong?" Fatora said smugly. "AM I WRONG?"

"You're not wrong," Rune admitted. "[You're just a pervert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjibEkDoXQc&t=17s)."


	210. Farting Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[In the house of the Muses' servants grief is not right. It would not suit us](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Fatora returned to her private quarters after a long day of whatever it is she does to find Alielle gazing through a window.

"Something wrong, kiddo?" Fatora asked.

"Not really," Alielle said. "Just feeling down."

"I know just the thing for that," Fatora said confidently.

She tossed Alielle on her bed, pulled up Alielle's blouse, and blew raspberries on Alielle's stomach.

"BWA HA HA HA!!" said Alielle. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!"

—

Rune overheard Fatora's farty noises and Alielle's hysterical laughter from her own room.

 _It sounds like they're having fun_ , Rune thought, _doing whatever it is they're doing._


	211. Lovestruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[then love shook my heart like the wind that falls on oaks in the mountains](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Afura walked up to a cliff's edge on Mount Muldoon, where Shayla was standing guard— and spacing out.

"* _ahem_ *" said Afura.

Shayla blinked, and then hung her head and sighed. "Oh, whadya want!?"

"I want YOU to do your JOB," Afura said, "instead of daydreaming about Makoto!"

"You're just jealous," Shayla said smugly, "because no one has ever swept you off your feet— YEEEK!!"

Afura suddenly activated her lamp and blew Shayla over the cliff. "Like that?" Afura asked more smugly.

"I am going to KILL YOU," Shayla shouted from somewhere below the cliff, "as soon as my bones knit!"


	212. Liver And Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Sep-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I wished for eyes that could see into a man's heart](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This takes place after the second OVA series.
> 
> This contains drinking humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Nanami encountered Miz in the market. "How are you and _sensei_ doing?" Nanami asked.

"Very well, thank you. I'm buying our groceries." Miz held up her basket, which was half-full of alcohol.

Nanami sweat-dropped. "I thought you were trying to get _sensei_ to cut back on his drinking."

"Yes, but not TOO much," Miz said. "'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach', but Masamichi has a second access point through his liver."

"Well, just don't break his heart OR his liver," Nanami said.

"I haven't caused any major injuries since I retired," Miz said with a wink.


	213. Body Stalking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Sep-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[film and flesh](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (back-posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains nudity and random adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto had returned Ifurita's green-and-blue body-suit to his bathrobe-clad soul-mate after repairing it himself.

"That synthetic fabric is thin as gossamer, but it's incrediby strong," Makoto said. "I'm surprised that it was damaged."

Ifurita shrugged off her robe. "It was made to withstand my own weapon," she said, "but not the Eye of God's energies."

Makoto made awkward conversation while Ifurita dressed. "It really stretches too," he said. "It's skin-tight on you, but I think both of us could fit in it."

Ifurita paused. "Would you like to try?" she asked slyly.

Makoto immediately began to remove his own clothing.


	214. And Girl, Are My Arms Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Oct-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[these hours are as vast as stretches of sky](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This takes place before the end of the first OVA series, but after the second OVA series and _The Alternative World_.

The Princesses Rune Venus and Fatora were chatting on a palace balcony when Afura flew in.

"Welcome, Afura Mann," Rune Venus said. "Have you flown far this fine day?"

"From the southern Roshtaria border, Milady," Afura said.

"'...and boy, are my arms tired'!" Fatora added.

"I'm more bored than tired," Afura said. "I've been alone in the skies for hours."

"Would you like to join us for tea?" Rune asked. "Makoto is joining us today."

"Please," Afura said. "I'd like to hear about his research on the Eye of God."

"I thought you were COMPLAINING about being BORED," Fatora said.


	215. Fire Guard Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Nov-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[set yourself on fire](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329779.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Shayla had brought her great lamp of fire to Makoto to allow him to examine it with his ability.

"I've always been curious about how you protect yourself when you use the lamp," Makoto said. "Afura's wind and Kauru's water wouldn't injure them, but I'd think you could be burned by your own flames."

"The lamp of fire has automatic shields that protect me," Shayla said. "The trick is to use the lamp as a weapon without even thinking about 'em."

Makoto raised an eyebrow. "In other words?..."

Shayla grinned. "Yep. You REALLY gotta be stupid to do MY job."


	216. See The Constellation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Dec-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[tangled up lights](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[See The Constellation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_IhMSZQDFs)" by They Might Be Giants.
> 
> This contains cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Makoto and Schtalubaugh were stargazing from an open palace balcony.

"El-Hazard has a 'north star' just like Earth," Makoto thought out loud, "but there's many more bright stars around it."

"The ancients mapped those stars," Schtalubaugh said, "but the northern constellation also has a modern designation."

"What's it called?" the ever-curious Makoto asked.

"'Two Hot Chicks Making Out', Schtalubaugh said.

"I take it Princess Fatora named it," Makoto guessed.

"I'm afraid so," Schtalubaugh said. "However, I must confess that I am not ENTIRELY opposed to that mental image."

"It's arguably more memorable than a bear or a dipper," Makoto agreed.


	217. And The Tide Rushes In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Jan-2018; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[time and tide flow wide](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[And The Tide Rushes In](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFVZSak1pEM)" by the Moody Blues.

Makoto and Ifurita were taking a romantic walk on a beach along a peaceful ocean far from Floristica.

"A roshtal for your thoughts?" Makoto asked his soulmate, not wanting to impose on her with his ability.

Ifurita looked out across the ocean. "I was here once before," she said distantly, "albeit only briefly, and under far less pleasant circumstances."

"I'm surprised that you recognized it after so many centuries," Makoto said.

"I suspect that, were the ocean a living thing, IT would not recognize ME," Ifurita said thoughtfully.

"Entirely due to my influence, of course," Makoto said with false immodesty.


	218. Royal Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Feb-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[when you are older there is more embarrassment](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3332043.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains brief mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Schtalubaugh was consoling the Princess Rune Venus after Rune had made a minor diplomatic blunder.

"Please don't brood over the matter," Schtalubaugh said kindly. "The diplomat has accepted our apology."

"But I can't afford to make mistakes like this," Rune said. "The Alliance depends on me. I must discharge my responsibilties to the best of my abilities, and I can do better than this. I MUST do better than this."

A half-dressed and giggling Alielle suddenly ran past, with a dishevelled Fatora in close pursuit.

"You could do WORSE," Schtalubaugh said bluntly.

"You have a point," Rune Venus agreed nervously.


	219. You Can't Fix Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Mar-2018; humor; 100 words. Based on _The Wanderers_ TV series.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it’s a hell of a lot more common](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3333751.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

"I've finally realized why my plans for conquest always fail," Jinnai said to Deva. "The citizens of the Alliance are fools... and let's face it, our Bugrom forces are also fools, and our Ifurita is a special kind of stupid."

"But YOU are more clever than BOTH sides," Deva said.

"That's the problem," Jinnai said. "I'm so intelligent that I'm thinking at a completely different level above those fools."

"It must be hard to be that smart," Deva said.

"You can say that again," Jinnai said sadly.

"It must be hard to be that smart," the not-so-bright Deva said again.


	220. Run Shayla Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Apr-2018; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[she ran because it was all she knew](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3336873.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also _[Run Lola Run](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Run_Lola_Run)_. Pettan was introduced in the _The Wanderers_ TV series, but this is based on the "main" OVA series.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor and a vulgar pun. Reader discretion is advised.

Shayla ran up to Afura. "HELP ME AFFY!!" she cried. "I need 100,000 roshtals in TWENTY MINUTES!!"

"Did you run up gambling debt at Pettan?" Afura asked. "Well, I don't have that kind of money. Maybe you could ask the royal household for a loan."

"Nope!" said Shayla. "They're my creditor!"

As if on cue, Princess Fatora walked up. "You have nineteen minutes," she said smugly, "and then you're MINE."

Shayla ran away screaming.

"You 'won' her by cheating, right?" Afura asked Fatora.

"How rude!" Fatora huffed. "I prefer the word 'cunning', myself."

"You're definitely a 'cunning linguist'," Afura noted.


End file.
